Flying in a New Direction

Never underestimate the power of growth. Growth is what pushes us to reach new heights.

Case in point: The Wright brothers’ first flight lasted twelve seconds. Twelve. If it took me twelve seconds to log into my email, I would think something was wrong. But at one time, twelve seconds was revolutionary.

Think of all the places you would have never gone if we had stopped at twelve seconds, if the Wright brothers and other inventors said, “Twelve seconds. Not bad. Let’s get dinner.” Without the growth of engineering, I would have never made it to Alaska, South Africa, or Australia without enduring a difficult and dangerous boat ride. It makes me cringe just thinking about it.

What can we learn from the Wright brothers and other agents of change? To stay a student. To never settle for good enough. To never stop growing. The desire to improve, to grow, has always burned inside of me. It still does.

Take Pure Romance as an example. When I was hosting parties in my basement, I never once thought that I hit my peak. I knew I had not reached my ceiling. I refused to settle for a twelve-second flight.

I believed in what I was doing, and I saw the positive impact I was making on the women around me. I heard about the fun customers were having at parties, and saw the pride in the first Consultants’ eyes as they described how they were earning enough money to pay the mortgage and give their kids the birthdays they deserved. Even then, as I was gaining personal and professional momentum, I still fanned the flames of growth.

Today, Pure Romance is flying high. We have climbed to a place beyond even my imagination. I have been fortunate enough to share the fruits of my labor with my children so they never have to live a life full of twelve-second flights. Still, I have pushed for growth. Pure Romance now operates overseas and we have worked to broaden research into women’s sexual health.

For most people this would be enough. They would sit back and think the plane can’t fly any longer or any higher. Not me. I can still grow, and this blog is the perfect place to do that. I want to use this blog as a forum to share my experiences, thoughts, and opinions about modern womanhood.

Talking with other women always humbles me. They share their dreams, their desires, and their fears. They see that I have designed a life that I love, and they want me to teach them to do the same. I want to add this personal touch to my blog, but I will need your help.

So I ask you, what do you want me to blog about? What issues would you like me to discuss to help you grow and live a happy, well-rounded life? Please leave me your thoughts in the comments section below.

Thank you for your patience, your insight, and your support as I reinvent my blog to better serve you.

Truly,

Patty

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Get Turned On…and On and On

“I’m not in the mood.”

“I have a headache.”

“I’m too busy.”

These are just a few examples of the roadblocks that get in the way of really great foreplay (and what foreplay leads to). I get it; I really do. A lot of the time, one if not all of those instances are true. But letting these things stop you from having the vivacious, active, healthy sex life that you’re capable of having isn’t worth it. Why stop yourself from having fun and feeling good? All you need is a little foreplay to get turned on.

Foreplay, in a sense, is like stopping to smell the roses. Or better yet, it’s like enjoying the best meal of your life. Sure, the end goal is to feel fulfilled (in sexual terms, this would be the orgasm), but what is satisfaction without tasting and enjoying the flavors along the way? Foreplay is your chance to do just that. Here are my tips on how to get in the mood and get turned on!

1. Free your mind. Stop stressing about your day, running through your to-do list, and worrying about everything but you. Your time with your partner is your time to play and have fun. Let go of the day and give in to the moment. Your partner will notice a difference, too.

2. Talk about sex, baby. As unsexy as scheduling sounds, planning a night of romance with your partner can amp up anticipation and excitement. According to author Ian Kerner, “talking about sex and sharing a sexy thought is foreplay.” Drop each other flirty texts throughout the day preluding your evening of fun in the sheets.

3. Keep your eyes on the prize. Ultimately, what you’re attracted to is your partner. Watching them and paying special attention to those parts you love the most can visually turn you on. Costumes and lingerie never hurt anyone, either, so if you’ve fantasized about seeing your partner in a special something, there’s no better time than the present!

4. Use the power of touch. I’ve said it before, but caressing and massaging your partner (and receiving in return) can ignite the passion and send chills up your spine. Show your partner your most sensitive areas of skin and have them kiss, blow, or even use an Ice Breaker or Tickle & Whip to excite you.  

5. Just do it. Nike has it right. Even when we don’t feel like it, sometimes after we’ve started the motions, our bodies and brains synch up. We become excited, impassioned, and we start feeling sexy and in it to win it. I have a friend who made a pact with her husband to have sex every single night for a month, in efforts to rejuvenate their sex life. Every night, they stuck to their pact. Some nights they weren’t in the mood whatsoever, but did it anyway. By the end of the month, she told me their sex life had never been better.

Foreplay should be seen as frisky fun—never a chore. Start treating it this way, and I’ll bet you’ll see a change for the better in your bedroom! 

Fifty Shades of Grey & the Modern Woman

At Pure Romance, we’ve had a rush of party bookings in the past two months, all thanks to the growing popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Party guests chat all about the books, buy Ben Wa Balls because of the novel, and want to know more about bondage and S&M. Embracing sexuality is reaching a larger scope of women now, and I couldn’t be happier with this most recent boost in women’s sexual morale.

What Fifty Shades of Grey is doing is opening up women’s eyes, sexually. They want to get their mojo back, want to embrace the feelings they already have but may have been to shy to acknowledge, or want to try something new entirely. There is the whole “comfort in numbers” to this wildly popular series that’s encouraging women everywhere to open up and freely discuss sexuality. A woman tells her friend about it, and then her friend reads the book. She enjoys it, knowing her friend enjoys it as well. The mutual intrigue is stemming from the mindset of, “It’s OK for me to like this because other women like this, too. I can give myself permission now because I’m not alone.”

It’s almost a reawakening; the concepts are nothing new, but S&M, bondage, and a female’s sexuality are on the forefront of people’s minds right now. Women are recognizing that these desires and this awareness are healthy! It’s perfectly normal to be curious, want to experiment, and to talk about these desires with your partner.

I’ve always known that women and their partners have these desires, which is why I’ve made sure to include fun, safe, and sexy products that are in alignment with these sexual cravings. Below are my top five tips to experimenting with bondage and S&M:

1. Talk about your curiosity with your partner to see if he or she would be open to experimentation. Have an open, honest conversation, and do some research together. It’s perfectly normal to giggle throughout the research phase!

2. Once you’ve started experimenting, have a “safe word” if things become a little too hot and heavy. It’s also wise to regularly check in on your partner’s comfort level.

3. Remember it’s all about the pleasure of losing and gaining control! Embrace one or both roles—switch on and off with your partner, if you’d like!

4. Experiment with some Pure Romance products. Try one or all: Tie Me Up Tape, Ben Wa Balls, Tickle & Whip, Vanilla Bondage Kit, Cozy Cuffs, or Burning Desire.

5. Have fun! Remain within your physical comfort levels while giving something new a try!

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One Up, All Down

Over a week ago, USA Today reported that families will spend, on average, $1,078 on prom in 2012. To say I was surprised when I read this is an understatement. Is this the same prom I remember my children going to? One thousand dollars? Their tally accounts for the cost of a prom dress, tux, shoes, manicure, makeup, hair, jewelry, corsage, boutonniere, limousine, dinner, and dance tickets.

So as I’m thinking about how on earth this has happened to the average American kid, I was getting my nails done. And across the way are two little girls, I’m guessing between ages 8 and 11, who are also getting their nails done. I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. They were talking about a new little boy who had transferred to their school. Rumor has it he’s a pop star who is interested in one of the girls. As soon as the little girl said the boy was interested in her, the other’s face dropped. I watched her try to process this news. The thought, “What am I going to say back to her?! I want that boy to like me!” ran across her face. From there, their conversation escalated into a series of one-upping the other.

Then it clicked. Is this how early it starts? Is this exactly what fuels teenage girls to have $1,000 prom nights? I think it might be. I’m not sure how or why it started, but there is a definite sense of one-upmanship happening amongst women. I see it with women bragging about how incredible their husbands are, saying, “Oh! That’s sweet your husband bought you that bag. Mine got me this diamond necklace!” It starts young and it doesn’t seem to stop.

How can we educate girls when they’re young that one upping another will never make anyone feel good at heart? Why not educate our daughters on a true sense of self and character? Let’s show our daughters and even remind ourselves what’s truly important and that we should be lifting one another up! What’s really important are a woman’s values, how she respects herself and others, and how she builds strong relationships with other women in her life. Instilling confidence in a young woman means not comparing her characteristics to anyone else’s and helping her believe and understand that she is unique, and that uniqueness will set her apart from the rest.

When you one-up someone, though, you tell her what she has to say isn’t important. That makes her feel terrible, and on the other hand, you show your insecurities when you try to one up someone else.  On the scale of being good to another woman, trying to one-up is barely a step above name-calling. We undermine one another’s power and make one another look bad in the process. We need to appreciate and celebrate one another’s greatness, even if it makes us envious for a moment. These are feelings we can rise above, and we need to teach young women and girls this, too.

I’m not saying that a teenage girl isn’t allowed to feel gorgeous on her prom night or that a young girl isn’t allowed to feel those first flashes of jealousy. What I do think we can all do, together as a collective sisterhood, is work with each other through these feelings instead of act upon them without thinking. Maybe if we cared less about what others thought of our status, then we’d enjoy more and would be more likely to offer support and compliments. This life should be full of enjoyment and helping all the women in your life feel great, yourself included. We need to stop one-upping because it’s only bringing us down.

Releasing Guilt

Lately, I’ve been thinking about and discussing with my friends a theory about women and why we do the things we do. It has to do with guilt. I’m starting to believe that most of what women do is driven by guilt or that we are in the constant pursuit of avoiding it. We do something to avoid feeling guilty and we do something and then feel guilty for doing it.

Let me give you some context. Say an acquaintance invites you to a party. You think about why you should go, why you shouldn’t go, and cringe at the thought of feeling bad—guilty—for not going. You attend the party because you don’t want to feel guilty for not going. Think about a friend’s birthday that you forgot about or about picking up your kid from school later than usual. How terribly guilty does a woman feel about something like that?

Women fear guilt, yet guilt is woven into our everyday. Science backs this up. Based off a study from 2009, women feel habitually guilty more often than men. This habitual guilt indicates anxiety related to the guilt as well. I’m not entirely surprised by these findings. Men tend to go about life making decisions that benefit themselves and their families. Women naturally put others before themselves. We tend to go about life contemplating which decision is going to offend whom; we think about how not to hurt others’ feelings. Whichever choice leads to a more peaceful outcome, we’re going to choose that. Even if it means doing something we really don’t want to do.

While I understand why women are the way we are, I think we have to learn to let go if we want to live happy, healthy, less anxious lives. We have to release the guilt. This may mean learning to say no more often. It may also mean having to be honest with yourself.

When you give in to guilt, you’re preventing yourself from making positive actions Feeling guilty only perpetuates negativity. The more often you feel guilt and the longer you let yourself feel it, the more you’re preventing yourself from flourishing. And yes, this is a feeling you can choose to feel or not to feel. You have to give yourself permission to do what’s best for you and your family, regardless whether you feel guilt. If you stand up to guilt just once, it will become easier every time thereafter to stand up to it again and again. Stand up to guilt enough and it won’t even cross your mind.

Having a conscience and awareness is good, but constantly fearing guilt and acting from that fear is damaging. Release the guilt and move toward the positive. Stop wasting your time on breeding negativity and shame.

Success vs. Significance

I attend numerous events every year. Most of them are related to Pure Romance, like this March’s National Convention. There are hundreds, thousands of women gathered in one area—it can be a blur. But what I take away from events like this is what matters most. And I guarantee that I learn something each and every time.

What I was most amazed by a few weeks ago in Vegas, and what’s amazed me at other Pure Romance functions, is how many women come up to me and tell me their stories. First and foremost, I’m thankful that they trust me in sharing some of the most intimate details of their lives. They tell me their struggles with their families, their home lives, their insecurities, and their fears. It’s hard enough to face these struggles, let alone share them with another. On the other hand, they also share their greatest triumphs. It means the world to me that my Consultants feel comfortable sharing this with me.

The women of Pure Romance come from all types of backgrounds, but there is one common struggle we all have—self included. There’s the relationship of success versus significance. Before I get into this, let me explain what I mean by “success” and “significance.” Success is what the outside world would see as success: great career, making money, having a nice home, driving a nice car, and so on. Significance is the need to grow personally, to have a life rich with family and friends; this is the level to which character is built.

Now, after talking to thousands of women, I see that we struggle with success versus significance. These aren’t mutually exclusive. Women need to have both in order to be happy. A woman will not feel satisfied if she has only success in her career. That will feel empty to her. Imagine rising to the top of your field and having no one to share a bottle of celebratory champagne with. Your success suddenly feels meaningless, and this feeling will nag at you. Women need to feel loved and appreciated by others, which is why our lives need significance.

One breeds significance by nurturing her family, partaking in culture, becoming sisters with Consultants, and teaching her customers how to be in touch with their bodies. This will be rewarding on an entirely different level. Success rewards the mind and significance rewards the heart. You can’t have one without the other if you want to experience true happiness.

We are all at different places on our journeys. I’ve felt exactly the way some of my Consultants have in the past. I know what it’s like to feel as though you have to carry the weight of the world on your back, or that you have to completely overhaul and restart your life. I promise you I’ve been there. Where am I along my journey in this very moment? I’m at a point where I get to celebrate the success and the significance. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve found that delicate balance between career happiness and personal happiness. My head and heart are in alignment, and I have all the women surrounding me to thank.

Making a Facebook Transition

Being a businesswoman comes with lots of surprises. You learn to work with a multitude of personality types, you learn how to manage the ins and outs of finances (you’d better!), and you learn the importance of keeping all projects and your schedule organized. These are all things you know ahead of time; you know they are a part of business. Often times, these thoughts keep me up at night.

However, one thing I never, ever anticipated when I set out as a businesswoman 30 years ago is a little (ha!) thing called Facebook. Facebook, the social media platform that initially was created to help college kids connect, now keeps me up at night. I know, I never would have expected it, either! Facebook has become a social necessity—I have to stay connected to everyone. That’s just how it works in 2012.

Several months ago, I started hitting the 5,000 friends-mark on my profile page. I was excited to gain more and more friends, but I couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t let me have more than 5,000 friends! Turns out, that’s just a Facebook rule. Personal profiles are not allowed to have more than 5,000 friends. Is there an “un-like” button for that?

To accommodate my friends and fans, though, I have made the tough choice to ask all my friends to “like” my Facebook brand page. I will be shutting down my personal Facebook profile on April 26. I want to stay as connected as possible to everyone, so please make the transition with me—and please continue to spread the word!

Facebook has turned being web-friends into a business…and I can’t say that I blame them. I just wish it didn’t keep me up at night! Please remember to make the switch with me!

2012: Reestablishing the Connection

What a whirlwind last week was! I was in Vegas for Pure Romance’s National Convention, and I wanted to touch base with those who couldn’t be there. Specifically, I wanted to spread the message of the General Session, when I did the product launch.

2012 is going to be a huge year for Pure Romance. The company is growing, and with growth comes the opportunity to change and develop a clearer outlook and hope for the years to come. Before we look into the future, though, my team and I looked to the past. Sometimes you have to take a closer look at your past before you move forward. I like to do this to remember how our success began, to reestablish the connection to the business, and to remember the drive and vision that got us where we are today.

When I sat down to talk with some of my staff members who have been here for several years, we covered two very important things that I want to carry throughout 2012 and into the future.

One of the things Chris and I reminisced about is how I always wore a suit when I hosted my parties. I’d show up to a party in my business suit, and hostesses and customers were shocked! They expected to see me in a leather bustier, fishnets, and stilettos! What I learned from dressing professionally, though, is that my customers felt they could trust me and talk to me openly. They also respected me as I respect them. When you dress to impress, you really can achieve more. There’s a cliché phrase that says, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have!” In our business, you better dress for the job you have because you own your own business. YOU are the boss!

Another topic we emphasized is what separates Pure Romance from the competition. At Pure Romance, we pride ourselves not on the sale of a product, but on the education we instill within our customers at parties. I promise you that the more you know about our products, the body, and how our products can benefit the body, the more success you’ll see in your business. The more educate yourself and thereby your customers, the more you’ll impact their lives. When you educate and impact them that way, you are likely to have a repeat customer, because when you educate, you touch someone’s life.

By looking back and seeing why we have such a strong emphasis on professionalism and education, we can lay the groundwork for the future. Even if you couldn’t be at Convention this year, I want you to get a good feel of what the presentation was like. Reestablishing the connection with yourself, the basics, and your customers will benefit you. I encourage you to really think about how your customers perceive you, work on educating yourself even more, and hold yourself to an even higher standard. These basics will carry you through change and growth. Dress your best, act your best, be your best.

National Convention Preview

Every year, I look forward to an event that we host in celebration of our Pure Romance Consultants and all they’ve achieved: National Convention. We are heading to Las Vegas in just a few days to celebrate the past year and also to look forward to what’s ahead.

2012 for me and for Pure Romance is all about getting back to basics – remembering who we are, reengaging our passion, and reigniting the fun.

As we power through year after year, we often don’t take enough time to evaluate where we’ve been, what we’ve done, and where we want to go.

Getting this business back to basics starts with all women moving past the idea that this business is a competition. This business, instead, is truly about sisterhood and camaraderie, and that is why it works. As women, we need to focus on lifting one another up. Seeing this as a competition is like pushing others down so only you rise to the top. This benefits no one, not even you in the end. Sisterhood, on the other hand, is working together, lifting one another up to ALL be successful— and this is the true sense of EMPOWERMENT.

Sisterhood is fun! There’s no fun in seeing yourself as an outsider or as one against the world when, instead, you can band together with your sisters and form a unified, strong, loving front and work together for the greater good. In this case, the greater good is building your business while also building great relationships for your customers, your sisters, and yourself.

Pure Romance as a whole is expanding its footprint in 2012. We are entering a new era and all Consultants are about to see that and be a part of it. I am anxious to share more with you throughout the year and especially at this week’s Convention.

Of all Conventions I’ve hosted, I have never been as deeply excited as I am for this one. I have a feeling it’s going to be the most impactful yet. I am so thankful to be surrounded by my Consultants and thankful for the connection I have to you all. Can’t wait to see you in Vegas!

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Good Ole Boys’ Club Makeover

The era in which we live is supposed to be the epitome of equality. Women can now choose to be both a housewife and an entrepreneur. We can celebrate our bodies and sexuality without being shunned. But if you’ve ever worked in the corporate world or attended your husband’s work events, you know that The Good Ole Boys’ Club is still very much alive.

The Good Ole Boys’ Club tends to exclude women and participate in their own little group activities and bonding rituals. This is particularly difficult on the corporate woman who wants to elevate within the company and get to know her colleagues better. Men befriend men, and unfortunately, women have to work harder to attain the same level of prestige, respect, and recognition that men have.

I don’t entirely blame men for this, though. It’s OK to have groups of friends in which not everyone is invited. What I think is a shame is that we worry about not being invited—we waste precious time and energy worrying about getting into a group! I see this as women trying too hard to be men when we really need to focus on being great at what we do.

Women are naturally great supporters and nurturers within a family structure and with our friends, and that’s one of the many things we need to use to our advantage. Competition breeds jealousy and negativity. We need to stop bringing one another down. We’re not going to get anywhere that way.

A sad truth that remains in 2012 is that when a woman shows strength, she’s automatically deemed a “bitch.” When a man exercises his power and smarts and sticks to his guns, he’s seen as a great leader. This double standard is something you have to acknowledge and then use as motivation to break down barriers. “Strong woman” is not synonymous with “bitch”—get out there and prove it. This is merely a stereotype uneducated and uninformed women and men perpetuate. Stick with your gut, stand behind your decisions, own your power, and be responsible for your words and actions. That’s the best thing you can do when other people are calling you useless names. Trust me, if I let the countless people who called me “the dildo lady” bring me down, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

When I first started thinking about my own business, there was a godfather in this industry who wanted to help me. He said he’d buy me my own store because otherwise, I’d never make it. But I followed my gut, took my own actions, and started Pure Romance. They say that behind every man is a strong woman, which is true. But I didn’t feel like standing behind anyone.

My suggestion to solve all this is that we, as women, spend more time focusing on being great women and less time trying to get into some club. We don’t need a club because we’re in a league of our own. I suggest that we stop worrying about what people are saying or if that other woman is doing better than you are. The competition is over: We’ve made it, so now what are we going to do with it? We can join together and celebrate everything that makes us so fabulous. We don’t have to try to be anyone but ourselves. Then together, maybe we can change the fact that women are still making, on average, 81 cents to each male dollar. Together, this world is ours to change.