All posts tagged women

Flying in a New Direction

Published September 12, 2012 by Patty Brisben

Never underestimate the power of growth. Growth is what pushes us to reach new heights.

Case in point: The Wright brothers’ first flight lasted twelve seconds. Twelve. If it took me twelve seconds to log into my email, I would think something was wrong. But at one time, twelve seconds was revolutionary.

Think of all the places you would have never gone if we had stopped at twelve seconds, if the Wright brothers and other inventors said, “Twelve seconds. Not bad. Let’s get dinner.” Without the growth of engineering, I would have never made it to Alaska, South Africa, or Australia without enduring a difficult and dangerous boat ride. It makes me cringe just thinking about it.

What can we learn from the Wright brothers and other agents of change? To stay a student. To never settle for good enough. To never stop growing. The desire to improve, to grow, has always burned inside of me. It still does.

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Take Pure Romance as an example. When I was hosting parties in my basement, I never once thought that I hit my peak. I knew I had not reached my ceiling. I refused to settle for a twelve-second flight.

I believed in what I was doing, and I saw the positive impact I was making on the women around me. I heard about the fun customers were having at parties, and saw the pride in the first Consultants’ eyes as they described how they were earning enough money to pay the mortgage and give their kids the birthdays they deserved. Even then, as I was gaining personal and professional momentum, I still fanned the flames of growth.

Today, Pure Romance is flying high. We have climbed to a place beyond even my imagination. I have been fortunate enough to share the fruits of my labor with my children so they never have to live a life full of twelve-second flights. Still, I have pushed for growth. Pure Romance now operates overseas and we have worked to broaden research into women’s sexual health.

For most people this would be enough. They would sit back and think the plane can’t fly any longer or any higher. Not me. I can still grow, and this blog is the perfect place to do that. I want to use this blog as a forum to share my experiences, thoughts, and opinions about modern womanhood.

Talking with other women always humbles me. They share their dreams, their desires, and their fears. They see that I have designed a life that I love, and they want me to teach them to do the same. I want to add this personal touch to my blog, but I will need your help.

So I ask you, what do you want me to blog about? What issues would you like me to discuss to help you grow and live a happy, well-rounded life? Please leave me your thoughts in the comments section below.

Thank you for your patience, your insight, and your support as I reinvent my blog to better serve you.




Releasing Guilt

Published April 11, 2012 by Patty Brisben

Lately, I’ve been thinking about and discussing with my friends a theory about women and why we do the things we do. It has to do with guilt. I’m starting to believe that most of what women do is driven by guilt or that we are in the constant pursuit of avoiding it. We do something to avoid feeling guilty and we do something and then feel guilty for doing it.

Let me give you some context. Say an acquaintance invites you to a party. You think about why you should go, why you shouldn’t go, and cringe at the thought of feeling bad—guilty—for not going. You attend the party because you don’t want to feel guilty for not going. Think about a friend’s birthday that you forgot about or about picking up your kid from school later than usual. How terribly guilty does a woman feel about something like that?

Women fear guilt, yet guilt is woven into our everyday. Science backs this up. Based off a study from 2009, women feel habitually guilty more often than men. This habitual guilt indicates anxiety related to the guilt as well. I’m not entirely surprised by these findings. Men tend to go about life making decisions that benefit themselves and their families. Women naturally put others before themselves. We tend to go about life contemplating which decision is going to offend whom; we think about how not to hurt others’ feelings. Whichever choice leads to a more peaceful outcome, we’re going to choose that. Even if it means doing something we really don’t want to do.

While I understand why women are the way we are, I think we have to learn to let go if we want to live happy, healthy, less anxious lives. We have to release the guilt. This may mean learning to say no more often. It may also mean having to be honest with yourself.

When you give in to guilt, you’re preventing yourself from making positive actions Feeling guilty only perpetuates negativity. The more often you feel guilt and the longer you let yourself feel it, the more you’re preventing yourself from flourishing. And yes, this is a feeling you can choose to feel or not to feel. You have to give yourself permission to do what’s best for you and your family, regardless whether you feel guilt. If you stand up to guilt just once, it will become easier every time thereafter to stand up to it again and again. Stand up to guilt enough and it won’t even cross your mind.

Having a conscience and awareness is good, but constantly fearing guilt and acting from that fear is damaging. Release the guilt and move toward the positive. Stop wasting your time on breeding negativity and shame.

A Woman’s Right to Self Respect

Published October 24, 2011 by Patty Brisben

A week from today marks one of the most fun holidays of the year, Halloween. It’s our one chance a year to lighten up, let go, and dress up as someone we’re not, someone we admire, someone we think is hilarious, or someone who is from an era we love. Have you ever noticed when you’re dressed up at Halloween as something interesting there is no judgment? Isn’t that a wonderful thing? But on this day a year, we all open our minds a bit. But I have one little bone to pick.

For some reason, on this very day, I can’t help but still think, “What are you wearing?” when I see the way some women are dressed—or not dressed. The trend of wearing next to nothing on Halloween continues to grow. My career has been based around helping women get their sexy back, so I absolutely understand the need to feel sexy, wanted, and powerful. However, when you are within the confines of your home, you can wear whatever you want to wear (or don’t want to wear). When you’re in public, though, it’s a different case.

As I watch the years tick by, young women become more and more revealed at younger ages, and it’s startling. The way I see some women in their late teens and early 20s dress at Halloween makes me shake my head, and those costumes are nothing I’d ever want my granddaughters to see. Unfortunately, it might be a little too late for such sentiments.

The trend of young women dressing up provocatively at Halloween has been so popular that it’s now trickling down to children’s costume offerings. A website with inappropriate kids’ costumes was recently brought to my attention. Sure, some can be interpreted as innocent, but I know the origin of such costumes. They started off as “sultry” and “sexy” adult costumes, and now minis are being produced.

What does this say to young girls? That in order to be normal or fit in they must wear short skirts, belly-revealing tops, and corset-clad dresses? That in order to enjoy a holiday, this is the way to dress? As a parent and grandparent, I’ve seen the pressure kids feel from other kids and the urge they have to get a store-bought costume. I truly do not believe kids should be dressing this way, and it’s distressing to think that these are now the options. It’s even more troubling to think about how dressing this way at a young age could affect a girl for years to come.

As a woman who might be reading this, I ask you to have some self-respect when you dress up for Halloween. Try something fresh and new that makes people say, “What a great costume! Why didn’t I think of that?” Try something that would make people of all ages smile. Whatever you do, please leave the lingerie at home…or at least smartly hidden beneath your costume. Wouldn’t that be a nice treat?

Rolling with the Punches

Published August 31, 2011 by Patty Brisben

On August 25, a handful of Consultants and I traveled to a city I love dearly. It’s one of the few places in the world where you can feel the pulse of the whole city as soon as you step foot in its concrete jungle. I’ve visited time and time again, and I couldn’t wait to share it with leaders and up-and-comers of Pure Romance. Our destination? New York City, the hub of all things fabulous and cutting edge.

When we all first landed in New York, we enjoyed as much of it as we could. But Mother Nature had something else in store. Hurricane Irene was rapidly making her way up the East Coast, turning this vibrant city to panic mode. Stores were being boarded and all transportation modes were to be shut down. Being the mother that I am, my instant concern was keeping everyone safe. I booked a flight for the Pure Romance women and I to fly out of New York and into Cincinnati.

As I was telling the Consultants about our sudden but necessary change in plans, I feared that I’d experience resistance and disappointment from the ladies. What I was met with, instead, was a group of women who looked toward the positive—their glasses were more than half full. They chose to see this Plan B as a bonding experience, and they still took advantage of the time we had together.

Upon our arrival to Cincinnati, some women pampered themselves with facial masks, some went shopping, and all relished the time they had to chat with their sister Consultants. We all had a wonderful time one night and went to a hometown, family favorite of mine for dinner, Carlo and Johnny. We laughed and swapped stories as we dined on the restaurant’s specialties.

At the end of the trip, I couldn’t help but feel blessed to be surrounded by such positive forces as these women. Who better to be with in a time of near crisis and resulting change of plans than women who turn lemons into lemonade instead of complaining? Their strength is in rolling with the punches. This flexibility not only benefits the woman herself, but her business as well. It allows her to handle difficult customers with grace. It allows her to manage her emotions when something goes awry with a shipment. It allows her to fix whatever she needs to fix in order to move forward.

This ability to roll with the punches and be flexible is why every woman on the trip is a leader. I was honored to have spent such an invigorating time with them. Though we didn’t get to spend our entire trip in New York City, it’s certainly a trip I’ll never forget!

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