2012: Reestablishing the Connection

Published March 19, 2012 by Patty Brisben

What a whirlwind last week was! I was in Vegas for Pure Romance’s National Convention, and I wanted to touch base with those who couldn’t be there. Specifically, I wanted to spread the message of the General Session, when I did the product launch.

2012 is going to be a huge year for Pure Romance. The company is growing, and with growth comes the opportunity to change and develop a clearer outlook and hope for the years to come. Before we look into the future, though, my team and I looked to the past. Sometimes you have to take a closer look at your past before you move forward. I like to do this to remember how our success began, to reestablish the connection to the business, and to remember the drive and vision that got us where we are today.

When I sat down to talk with some of my staff members who have been here for several years, we covered two very important things that I want to carry throughout 2012 and into the future.

One of the things Chris and I reminisced about is how I always wore a suit when I hosted my parties. I’d show up to a party in my business suit, and hostesses and customers were shocked! They expected to see me in a leather bustier, fishnets, and stilettos! What I learned from dressing professionally, though, is that my customers felt they could trust me and talk to me openly. They also respected me as I respect them. When you dress to impress, you really can achieve more. There’s a cliché phrase that says, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have!” In our business, you better dress for the job you have because you own your own business. YOU are the boss!

Another topic we emphasized is what separates Pure Romance from the competition. At Pure Romance, we pride ourselves not on the sale of a product, but on the education we instill within our customers at parties. I promise you that the more you know about our products, the body, and how our products can benefit the body, the more success you’ll see in your business. The more educate yourself and thereby your customers, the more you’ll impact their lives. When you educate and impact them that way, you are likely to have a repeat customer, because when you educate, you touch someone’s life.

By looking back and seeing why we have such a strong emphasis on professionalism and education, we can lay the groundwork for the future. Even if you couldn’t be at Convention this year, I want you to get a good feel of what the presentation was like. Reestablishing the connection with yourself, the basics, and your customers will benefit you. I encourage you to really think about how your customers perceive you, work on educating yourself even more, and hold yourself to an even higher standard. These basics will carry you through change and growth. Dress your best, act your best, be your best.

National Convention Preview

Published March 12, 2012 by Patty Brisben

Every year, I look forward to an event that we host in celebration of our Pure Romance Consultants and all they’ve achieved: National Convention. We are heading to Las Vegas in just a few days to celebrate the past year and also to look forward to what’s ahead.

2012 for me and for Pure Romance is all about getting back to basics – remembering who we are, reengaging our passion, and reigniting the fun.

As we power through year after year, we often don’t take enough time to evaluate where we’ve been, what we’ve done, and where we want to go.

Getting this business back to basics starts with all women moving past the idea that this business is a competition. This business, instead, is truly about sisterhood and camaraderie, and that is why it works. As women, we need to focus on lifting one another up. Seeing this as a competition is like pushing others down so only you rise to the top. This benefits no one, not even you in the end. Sisterhood, on the other hand, is working together, lifting one another up to ALL be successful— and this is the true sense of EMPOWERMENT.

Sisterhood is fun! There’s no fun in seeing yourself as an outsider or as one against the world when, instead, you can band together with your sisters and form a unified, strong, loving front and work together for the greater good. In this case, the greater good is building your business while also building great relationships for your customers, your sisters, and yourself.

Pure Romance as a whole is expanding its footprint in 2012. We are entering a new era and all Consultants are about to see that and be a part of it. I am anxious to share more with you throughout the year and especially at this week’s Convention.

Of all Conventions I’ve hosted, I have never been as deeply excited as I am for this one. I have a feeling it’s going to be the most impactful yet. I am so thankful to be surrounded by my Consultants and thankful for the connection I have to you all. Can’t wait to see you in Vegas!

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Good Ole Boys’ Club Makeover

Published March 7, 2012 by Patty Brisben

The era in which we live is supposed to be the epitome of equality. Women can now choose to be both a housewife and an entrepreneur. We can celebrate our bodies and sexuality without being shunned. But if you’ve ever worked in the corporate world or attended your husband’s work events, you know that The Good Ole Boys’ Club is still very much alive.

The Good Ole Boys’ Club tends to exclude women and participate in their own little group activities and bonding rituals. This is particularly difficult on the corporate woman who wants to elevate within the company and get to know her colleagues better. Men befriend men, and unfortunately, women have to work harder to attain the same level of prestige, respect, and recognition that men have.

I don’t entirely blame men for this, though. It’s OK to have groups of friends in which not everyone is invited. What I think is a shame is that we worry about not being invited—we waste precious time and energy worrying about getting into a group! I see this as women trying too hard to be men when we really need to focus on being great at what we do.

Women are naturally great supporters and nurturers within a family structure and with our friends, and that’s one of the many things we need to use to our advantage. Competition breeds jealousy and negativity. We need to stop bringing one another down. We’re not going to get anywhere that way.

A sad truth that remains in 2012 is that when a woman shows strength, she’s automatically deemed a “bitch.” When a man exercises his power and smarts and sticks to his guns, he’s seen as a great leader. This double standard is something you have to acknowledge and then use as motivation to break down barriers. “Strong woman” is not synonymous with “bitch”—get out there and prove it. This is merely a stereotype uneducated and uninformed women and men perpetuate. Stick with your gut, stand behind your decisions, own your power, and be responsible for your words and actions. That’s the best thing you can do when other people are calling you useless names. Trust me, if I let the countless people who called me “the dildo lady” bring me down, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

When I first started thinking about my own business, there was a godfather in this industry who wanted to help me. He said he’d buy me my own store because otherwise, I’d never make it. But I followed my gut, took my own actions, and started Pure Romance. They say that behind every man is a strong woman, which is true. But I didn’t feel like standing behind anyone.

My suggestion to solve all this is that we, as women, spend more time focusing on being great women and less time trying to get into some club. We don’t need a club because we’re in a league of our own. I suggest that we stop worrying about what people are saying or if that other woman is doing better than you are. The competition is over: We’ve made it, so now what are we going to do with it? We can join together and celebrate everything that makes us so fabulous. We don’t have to try to be anyone but ourselves. Then together, maybe we can change the fact that women are still making, on average, 81 cents to each male dollar. Together, this world is ours to change.

Relationship Fact or Fiction: Chivalry Is Dead

Published March 1, 2012 by Patty Brisben


We live in a day and age in which chivalry has become an ancient word. It’s old fashioned. Our kids don’t know what it means. And, quite frankly, most of us have forgotten what it means.

Chivalry is defined as “ the quality of the ideal knight,” or nowadays, the ideal gentleman. See? Even the definition is dated! But chivalry goes deeper than a definition. Chivalry is deep-rooted in how we find mates and what a woman was once supposed to look for in a man. Some chivalrous standards that are becoming extinct:

-A man holding a door open for a woman, letting her through first.

-A man opening the car door for a woman while entering and exiting the car.

-A man walking on the street-side of a sidewalk and letting the woman walk on the inside of the sidewalk.

-A man asking a woman on a date and arranging all the details.

-A man offering a woman his jacket when she is cold.

-A man standing up when a woman leaves the table.

These are just a few examples of behaviors that used to be a common standard for men. Now, when a woman sees any of these actions, she’s skeptical. It seems like it can’t be real or authentic. So why is chivalry dead and what’s happened to it?

The problem is two-fold. Men aren’t taught to treat women this way anymore just as much as women are killing chivalry when it appears. Women now want to prove their power so much that they shut down every behavior from a man that they see as something they could do themselves. By doing so, we’ve emasculated men to the point of their not wanting to try anymore. Why bother when women are going to shut it down anyway?

We have to get back to reminding our sons of being gentlemen and actually teaching our daughters to accept the generosity of it. A man should cater to a woman and be polite and respectful of her, and a woman should be able to accept that generosity with appreciation and grace. Men can lose the lazy act as much as women can lose the “I am woman, hear me roar!” act. If you are a secure, strong woman, you don’t need to shout it. You don’t have to push through doors—they will be opened for you. And ladies, it’s our duty to accept when a man has been polite enough to do so.

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Love, Lust, Like

Published February 20, 2012 by Patty Brisben

I am endlessly interested in relationships (surprise, surprise), the status of them, and how to keep them going. With every conversation I have about them, love, lust, and like are the main players. I’ve spent time questioning how all three are related and whether you can have one without the other and vice versa.

Whenever I talk about this, I think of one of my favorite George Strait songs, “I Know She Still Loves Me.” Here are the lyrics:

There’s just a hint of indifference
In her lack of conversation when we talk.
And the subject matters change,
There’s no mention of our future now at all.
She still kisses me each morning,
But it seems more like a habit than before.

I know she still loves me,
But I don’t think she likes me anymore.

She used to laugh at all my jokes,
But lately I can’t seem to make her smile.
And the last time we made love it was good,
But God it’s been a while.
She’s always there when I get home,
But she’s no longer waiting at the door.

I know she still loves me,
But I don’t think she likes me anymore.

‘Cause it’s just a little colder every time I hold her.
She’s just going through the motions
From what’s left of her devotion;
And it scares me half to death
Wonderin’ what tomorrow holds in store.

I know she still loves me,
But I don’t think she likes me anymore.

Right now I know she loves me,
But I don’t think she likes me anymore.

What I think about love, lust, and like, is this: One leads to another, but one of these three things must ultimately sustain a relationship. Lust is the chemistry that leads to falling in love. You can be in lust with someone and never fall in love, but when love is reached, lust has played a part to get you there. Lust doesn’t last forever— but it definitely has the ability to come into our relationships in waves.

Love is the bond that holds you and your partner together. Love is so unique to each person that it’s hard to define. Even the Merriam Webster dictionary lists nine definitions for love. What I can say about the love between significant others is that your heart swells for that person. Love is loyal, trustworthy. Love lifts you up and supports you. Love means not putting everything else in life before your significant other. Love is not taking that other person for granted. Most importantly, all these feelings are reciprocal in a healthy, love-filled relationship.

Though love gets all the credit, like is what keeps love alive and sustains it. If you don’t have that like for each other, you have nothing. As George Strait sings, “I know she still loves me, but I don’t think she likes me anymore.” He explains how his wife no longer laughs at his jokes, their conversation is lacking, and that his wife is just going through the motions. The way George sings this combined with the lyrics, I get the impression that he is most hurt by the fact she doesn’t like him anymore. He longs for the days when his wife liked his company so much that everything was happy, enjoyable, and passionate. The second a person in a relationship loses the like for good it impacts the other half.

LUST gets you to LOVE and LOVE may always be there, but LIKE will continue to stoke the fire in your relationship.

Being Single on Valentine’s Day

Published February 14, 2012 by Patty Brisben

Below is a blog post I wrote that was featured on Girlfriendology. Please enjoy!

Being in the business of romance, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and focusing on Valentine’s Day. Of all the V-Days I’ve celebrated, there is one Valentine’s Day I will never forget. It was the Valentine’s Day that made me decide to be present and active in this holiday.

Years ago, at the end of a busy workday, I had to go to Kroger to pick up things for dinner. Not realizing what day it was, I walk into Kroger and see hoards of men scrambling throughout the store. The shelves were empty and most of the carts were taken. Then it hit me: these men were hustling to find something for their wives, girlfriends, and significant others for Valentine’s Day. They were doing whatever they could to keep themselves out of hot water.

I took a step back and observed all this. Having just come out of a relationship I thought, “Please God, never let that be me. I don’t want to be with one of those men who’d just grab anything.” I know that sounds a little harsh, but when you’re in a relationship, it’s usually a decision between the couple whether they’re going to celebrate Valentine’s Day. If it is a mutual decision, I sure would hope that both parties put forth real effort. And if he or she doesn’t, it’s not a promising sign. Some planning and thought would be nice, and we all deserve that.

After witnessing a Kroger full of men shopping last-minute, I was thankful— thankful for the fact that I had so much love in my life from my girlfriends, my family, and myself. I finally felt OK to celebrate Valentine’s Day in my own way. I made a promise to myself to always honor love on Valentine’s Day (and beyond) and spend the day however I want. As long as I stay present and allow myself to feel the love of my friends and the love I have for myself, I will have a successful Valentine’s Day.

I’ve redefined what a “good” Valentine’s Day is. For me, it’s a nice dinner out with my friends, drinking some wine and cheating on our diets. It doesn’t even need to be a dinner out! Having my friends come over to my house and contributing their favorite dishes is a great way to honor one another. People put their heart in cooking; what better way to celebrate a day of love than over a home-cooked meal and endless hours of conversation? A “good” Valentine’s Day can also be a movie night or a night to myself.

I realize that Valentine’s Day can be challenging for single women. But we all have the choice to honor all the love in our lives that day. Refuse to take yourself for granted. Celebrate your girlfriends—celebrate yourself. Stand firm in who you are and be thankful for all the wonderful things you are. Make your V-Day a celebration of that, not just a commercial afterthought.

Re-Blogged from: Girlfriendology.com

Season of Love

Published February 13, 2012 by Patty Brisben

When February rolls around, we all have one thing on the brain: love. Thanks to Valentine’s Day’s fast approach, February makes us focus on the status of our love lives (or lack thereof) and what we’re going to do about it. While thinking about one’s love life is normal, people tend have one type of love in mind—romantic love. Who’s dating whom? Will I be single forever? What will I do for my significant other? These are the questions that dominate in the season of love. But why not focus, instead, on all types of love.

Classic Greek literature describes three types of love: Storge, Eros, and Phileo.

Storge is familial love, or the type of love you have for a family member. This is a type of love that isn’t by choice; it’s inherent and built within the family structure.

Eros, the root of the word “erotic,” is romantic love—the type of love that typically is capitalized on in February. This type of love is based on chemistry you have with another. Similar to storge, you have no choice with whom you have chemistry. For example, if you’ve ever met someone who is generally attractive but haven’t felt attracted to that person, you know that chemistry isn’t up to you!

In ancient Greek culture the third type of love was regarded as the highest form of love, and that is phileo love. This is the type of love you have for a best friend. What makes this love so incredible is that it isn’t an involuntary love. This is a love that you choose. You can’t choose your family members and you can’t help whom you fall in love with, but you can choose who your friends are.

Love for a best friend is unlike any other love in that you actively choose to make sacrifices for your friend. Think about what lengths you would go in order to save or protect your best friend, and think about everything your best friend would do for you. I recently listened to a speech about these types of sacrifices we make for friends, and it really put my love for my friends into perspective.

Think about how you will tell your best friend whether you agree with her choice. We sacrifice the possibility of a best friend not liking us for a while in order to tell them the truth, push them forward, and help them in some way.

The message also touched on how we put aside our ego to celebrate and rejoice when our best friends achieve something that’s better than what we have. Friends simply don’t have the competitive side to their relationship—it’s full of support instead.

The last sacrifice that we take on is that we own each other’s problems. When my friends are going through something challenging or heartbreaking, my heart breaks as well.

Every year I go into Valentine’s Day with my business hat on, and every year I end up learning something new about love. This year’s message was loud and clear to me and very timely in my own life. Valentine’s Day for me this year will be a celebration of the love I’ve chosen to give. I do make sacrifices for the love I’ve chosen. If that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.

My hope for all of you is that you use February and Valentine’s Day to honor and cherish all types of love in  your life.

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