Lust, Love, Like

Published June 13, 2011 by Patty Brisben

If there’s one thing all of my friends know about me, it’s that I am a huge George Strait fan. I find that his lyrics about life and love, speak especially to the different phases of intimacy. As I was listening to my favorite song of his, “I know she still loves me,” I got to thinking about what a great point he was making about how feelings of lust, love and like evolve into one another.

If you think about it, there is a world of difference between the initial, passionate lust; the deep, lasting love; and the enduring liking of a person. Of all of those, I would argue that even though we put so much emphasis on love, it is really and truly liking someone, and being liked in return, that are the two most important parts of any relationship in life.

Although it’s most often the shortest lived of the three emotions, lust often leaves a lasting memory of that feeling of instant sexual attraction. And while lusting is the most passionate of the three, it is not what will sustain a lasting relationship.

If you’re not familiar with the song, in the chorus he sings, “I know she still loves me, but I don’t think she likes me anymore.” By saying that he knows she loves him, he is singing to the kind of love that feels obligatory. For example, when we say things like “I’m always going to love him because that’s the father of my baby,” or “Even though he was mean, he was my dad, so I loved him anyway,” we are demonstrating that we love them because we feel like we have to, but don’t always like what they’ve done.

To like someone, however, is an earned affection. The people we like are the people we want to be with and choose to open up to. So when he goes on to sing, “but I don’t think she likes me anymore,” we can really start to understand that the love we all tend to think holds a relationship together, isn’t as important as really liking someone.

I can’t tell you how important it is to always remember that there’s so much more than love to keep a relationship (whether intimate or otherwise) going. Don’t allow the habits and routine of being in love to overshadow fact that you still have to like each other, too. It’s the evolution of these three emotions that create a lasting relationship that works. As love grows, lust becomes a distant memory, and it’s your like of one another that will truly sustain.

9 comments on “Lust, Love, Like

  • So very true. So many couples fall out of like, long before they fall out of love. It’s sad when we stop thinking of the person closest to us as our BFF!

  • George Strait is awesome, Im not the biggest fan of country, but I agree his songs are very touching. that and I like Garth Brooks LOL my husband and I took a vacation together this weekend and found our deep liking for each other again, and realized how much we missed that. Our lives have been getting crazy with my full time school, selling pure romance, his production company, and us raising 3 kids who are 7, 5, and 4. But since this weekend we know now what we need to keep going, it makes me feel all warm inside thinking about it.

    • Jessica,

      I’m glad to hear that you also found meaning in some of George’s songs and were able to get away for a long weekend. I can’t tell you how important it is to make time for one another, though I know it can be difficult- especially when we are being pulled in so many different directions! Thank you for sharing the news and I hope you and your husband continue to share that liking for one another!

      Truly,
      Patty

  • Patty, this is AWESOME!!! The timing was perfect for me! I am reading it today as my husband and I celebrate our 4 year anniversary and 9 years together. 9 years ago when we met, yes we were probably in lust but also liking one another. The love developed slowly, as we got a little older our relationship developed and matured, so did the liking and loving!!! We have many years ahead and our liking and loving will carry us through!!! THANK YOU for this wonderful article on a wonderful day!!!

    • Rayn,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog, and more importantly congratulations on your anniversary! I am so happy to hear that not only can you relate to this blog, but have truly discovered the power of like for yourselves. I hope the two of you have many more happy years ahead of you!

      Truly,

      Patty

  • Its the difference between “romantic” and” rational” love. Within the first few months or couple years, we sometimes get caught up in lust and butterflies and believe our partner does no wrong. That is romantic love. Rational love is liking your partner and still being intimate and recognizing their faults and differences but still accepting them. Everyone is different, but statistics show that those who get married before entering the rational stage, have a higher risk of divorce or marital issues when the “flame is gone ” so-to-speak. That is why I just became a Pure Romance consultant, to help people’s flame keep going or to get it back. If you love AND like someone, you usually can work together to get the intimacy levels where you want them. But, like you said Patty, if you don’t really like (or even love) your partner, what happens in the bedroom can’t neccesarily save you.

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