I was working out at the gym with a new trainer named Doug the other day and about five minutes into our workout he began asking me about what I did for a living. He knew I was the CEO for a company called Pure Romance but thought we were a romantic counseling company. I guess that’s one way of looking at it (wink). I explained to him that we were a direct-sales marketing company similar to Mary Kay; however, we were different in that we provided a very safe environment for women to explore their sexuality and learn more about their bodies as a whole.
“What do you mean? You’re body is your body! How could you not know it?” He asked perplexed. He, like many people I’ve come across along the way, seemed baffled that someone could not be familiar with their body and proclaimed quite confidently that he most certainly knew his body.
What many people don’t realize is that women’s bodies are very complex. Even from a very early age, we are often told to not touch ourselves and discouraged to explore our bodies or sexuality. Many women live in silence and aren’t comfortable even communicating with their healthcare providers or partner without encouragement or “permission” from someone they respect or believe to be a credible source.
While Doug seemed to begin to grasp this train of thought, there was also still a hint of confusion on his face, so I went on to give him an example to which he could easily relate. “If I was doing an exercise wrong, but you had no way of telling me I was doing it incorrectly, I wouldn’t benefit from the exercise, right?”
He shook his head yes.
That’s when I told him the same applies to when a man and a woman who are together in or out of the bedroom. If you can’t communicate to one another what your needs and desires are how can you begin to improve? The best way to achieve this is to learn as much as possible about how your body works, what keeps it healthy and what brings it pleasure.
In a way it was like a light bulb went off above his head. He admitted that he’d never thought about this and that many men don’t know if they’re doing something wrong in the bedroom when their partner doesn’t tell them. No one is a mind-reader so the best way to get to a higher level of pleasure and intimacy is to give yourself permission to explore, as well as communicate your needs openly.
Doug then went on to ask if I thought that men may know their bodies better because a man’s reproductive organ is external while a woman’s are internal – and that it was almost a more invasive process to explore this part of the body for a woman. I have to say after 25 years of working with women I had never really thought of it this way before and I loved that just through this open dialogue I was able to gain a new perspective. It was so refreshing to have an open conversation about this topic and enlighten one another in such a unique setting as my every day gym. If I ever had any goal in my life, it’s to make people everywhere be as comfortable talking about sex, their bodies and sexual health.