I made a New Year’s resolution to face my challenges head on this month. People face challenges every day, especially when it comes to their most intimate relationships. Just because you have that wonderful marriage license (tucked away with the hundreds of wedding photos that seem to magically disappear after the 3rd year of marriage), doesn’t mean everything is just going to fall into place. So many people wake up after one, ten, twenty years of marriage wondering … “What in the world did I get myself into?” Whether they rushed to get married at a young age or they felt the pressures of society after dating for several years, everyone has a story.
Just like your job, you have to work to maintain a healthy, mutually-beneficial relationship. I so often say, you spend money and time maintaining your cars and home, yet, when is the last time you put that much effort into maintaining your relationship?
Do you ever drive to work and not remember driving there? The same thing can happen in your relationship. You go through the motions but the spark seems to burn further and further away. You wake up and begin each day, getting the kids ready for school, making breakfast, driving them to school, going to work, picking them up from school, taking them to soccer practice, making dinner, doing homework, folding laundry, (I am exhausted just going through the list) and then at the very end of the day, as you rejoice when your head hits the pillow, it is then that you are “supposed” to be ready to get intimate! As time passes, you are faced with more and more demands on your time and energy and eventually that intimate relationship becomes just another thing on the To-Do list!
On page 217 of my book, I discuss a variety of techniques that a couple can incorporate to deepen their connection and to keep the rushes of daily life separate from your intimacy. The Calendar of Connections provides a month-to-month guide to help you and your partner stay in touch both emotionally and physically! What better place to start but then with January!
January – Start Something New: A Journal
“Use the arrival of a new calendar year to begin keeping a diary or journal, something many of us have done at least one time in our lives. Keeping a relationship journal is one way to express your feelings about your partner and your intimate relationship – feelings that change month to month, year to year. Try writing down those feelings along with your concerns, desires, and maybe even a fantasy. If you are having trouble with intimacy, noting the frequency of your sexual thoughts may reveal a pattern in your cycle of arousal, such as a when you are feeling most aroused, how long, and what triggers it. You can use this for your own and your partner’s benefit. Try copying a page from your journal and leaving it somewhere so your partner will find it. Reading about your thoughts and fantasies will open up a whole new form of communication.”
You can ask anyone – love isn’t easy, but with hard work and dedication (and a little help from my book) you can have the intimate life you deserve!