I recently interviewed with Dayton News regarding my thoughts on a new book called “Why Women Have Sex.” The book was written by clinical psychologist, Cindy Meston and evolutionary psychologist, David Buss, and includes interviews of over 1,000 women from all over the world. In doing so, they discovered 237 different reasons that women have sex. Surprisingly to some, love was not at the top of the list.
There’s always been a double standard when it comes to sexual motivation for women vs. men; however, in the 25 years I’ve been working with women and couples, I’ve found that one of the biggest intimacy issues that we come across with our customers is libido. Women aren’t the only ones who are tired from the stress and anxiety that has come from living in such a fast-paced society. I can’t tell you how many women have written in to my Ask Patty column asking how they can get their husbands and boyfriends more in the mood.
Sexual motivation can vary from person to person and the most important thing is that partners are being honest with one another about their desires and needs. In the video above, there were some responses such as “I do it so I can go to sleep or he will leave me alone.” Treating sex in this way is truly doing an injustice to you and your partner. Sexuality should be enjoyed and is an integral part of life; men and women should make an effort to create more pleasure when it comes to their intimate experience, whether by exploring new avenues of intimacy or opening the doors of communication through “intimate” tools and education.
If you find that you’re one of these women who is using sex for anything other than a way to express love and pleasure, it may be time to learn more about how you can take your intimate relationships to the next level.