No More Double Standards: The Golden Rule

This post is the second part in my September series, Modern Manners. To see the first post of the series, click here.

Perhaps you were in church, elementary school, or college when you first heard about the Golden Rule. It goes something like this:

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

We were taught this ever-important rule to help us understand that we need to treat strangers, fellow students, and neighbors with kindness. Fast-forward to today. Do you think about this phrase that often? Chances are you don’t, as it has become a part of you.

What your pastor and your third-grade teacher never taught you, though, is that the Golden Rule can and should be applied to your romantic relationships, too.

Sometimes when we’re wrapped up in a relationship, we expect everything from our partner. We expect him to be good, to never flirt with another woman, and to only have eyes for us—and it should be this way! However, you have to be sure you’re holding yourself to the same standards. What you want from your partner is probably what your partner wants from you, too.

Women often turn to me with their relationship hiccups, and I love listening. Everyone has her individual story, but more often than not, I end up telling most women I speak with to do one thing: reflect upon yourself. What is your behavior like? What do you want? How do you really feel? These questions are important because they force the woman to take a deeper look into her own behaviors. If you think about it, it’s also a part of the Golden Rule. How do you want to be treated, and thereby, how will you treat your partner?

Lately, I’ve seen women behave in ways I’m fairly certain they wouldn’t be happy with if their partner were doing the same. Before you act on something, I urge you to ask yourself this: “If my partner were in this situation, would I be happy if he did it?” If the answer is no, don’t do it. If it helps you to write or type it out, try it. Your questions may look something like this:

Would I be happy if my man were dancing with a strange woman? Probably not. Therefore, don’t do it.

Would I be happy if my man took hours to respond to a text or phone call? No. Therefore, don’t do it.

Would I be happy if my man posed for pictures with random women and then I saw them on Facebook? Definitely not! Therefore, don’t do it.

It’s a very simple exercise that puts the Golden Rule into practice and gives your relationship a little perspective. Remember that a relationship takes two: you both have to work at it. You can’t expect him to be receptive if you aren’t willing to make changes and work on yourself, too. Give and take, take and give. Just remember, treat your partner the way you want to be treated, and behave the way you want your partner to act as well.

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Dirty Mouth? Clean It Up: Profanity and Vulgarity

For students around the globe, September means back to school. Girls and boys ages 4 to 21 (and beyond!) trade in swimming and sunning for mathematics, language arts, history, chemistry and every variant in between. During this new school year, kids better themselves in skills that will help them in all aspects of their lives, from future careers to personal lives. They learn something new every week, if not every day.

A lot of us thought that once we had graduated high school or college, we were done. I think, though, that there’s something as women that we need to develop. Simply put, we could all work on our manners. Decades ago, women went to specific schools for this very subject. Many of us still look up to women of that era, such as Grace Kelly and Aubrey Hepburn. We look to their poise and elegance for inspiration, because they were real ladies.

That’s why all my posts for September will be dedicated to a grown woman’s version of back-to-school lessons. I’ll be focusing on modern manners and how a woman can return to a state of grace, instead of disgrace.

Today, I’d like to discuss something we all face every single day. It may seem small, but it affects the way you’re perceived greatly.

In 2011, I never thought we’d be living in an era that loves to swear. There’s a reason those Orbit gum commercials are memorable! We all have dirty mouths, and we do need to clean them up.

Profanity is so overused now that we’ve all become somewhat desensitized to it—we are immune to such vulgarity. The power of “the S-word” and “the F-word” doesn’t exactly have the zing it once had. It’s now just started to sound unintelligent. Profanity fills the holes in which a smarter, more powerful word combination could be used. Swearing no longer riles people up; it’s just started to sound silly.

Why has there been such a desensitization of curse words? Because they’re everywhere. You can’t watch a show on cable without cursing being used for cheap laughs and fake shock and awe. Pop music is suffering an infestation as well. When the musicians appear on television shows for live performances, songs have to be bleeped to the point where you can’t hear a melody. It’s become the norm.

Unfortunately, if you’re not an actress or pop performer, cursing simply isn’t attractive. People will not value your opinions when they’re studded with swears. Others will not see you as attractive because of your over-the-top profane use of language. If you think swearing will get you the attention and respect you deserve, think again.

We’re all guilty of getting heated and using iffy language. However, there are three places in which you should heed caution when it comes to what’s flying out of your mouth:

1. The workplace. Every office is different, but if you want to make the greatest impression, keep your conversations clean. Your statements will have a greater impact when you speak wisely, especially when you think you aren’t being listened to. I guarantee you—someone is listening.

2. In public. Walking around the mall, waiting in a movie theater, strolling the aisles of a grocery store, chatting over dinner—these are all settings in which someone, you don’t want to hear your profanity (such as a child) may, in fact, hear the dirty words that are coming out of your mouth.

3. On the Internet. Whether it’s Facebook or Twitter, a relative, boss, or friend’s impressionable daughter will see your status. Think about the kind of impression you want to have on others. Yes, I understand that your Facebook page should contain whatever your heart desires, but if you want your relatives not to be startled, your boss to be impressed, and your sister’s impressionable daughter to respect you, you have to clean it up a bit. Try and keep this in mind: if you wouldn’t want your grandmother reading it, don’t post it.

This culture of profanity has gotten the best of us all at some point, but challenge yourself to tidy up your language a little. What would really blow people’s minds is if you didn’t swear at all and you invented your own forms of letting out your emotions. Take a cue from the Orbit commercial the next time you’re frustrated with something and say, “What the French, toast?” I’m sure you’ll burst out in laughter and any frustrations will be momentarily eased. Hey, it’s a start!

Rolling with the Punches

On August 25, a handful of Consultants and I traveled to a city I love dearly. It’s one of the few places in the world where you can feel the pulse of the whole city as soon as you step foot in its concrete jungle. I’ve visited time and time again, and I couldn’t wait to share it with leaders and up-and-comers of Pure Romance. Our destination? New York City, the hub of all things fabulous and cutting edge.

When we all first landed in New York, we enjoyed as much of it as we could. But Mother Nature had something else in store. Hurricane Irene was rapidly making her way up the East Coast, turning this vibrant city to panic mode. Stores were being boarded and all transportation modes were to be shut down. Being the mother that I am, my instant concern was keeping everyone safe. I booked a flight for the Pure Romance women and I to fly out of New York and into Cincinnati.

As I was telling the Consultants about our sudden but necessary change in plans, I feared that I’d experience resistance and disappointment from the ladies. What I was met with, instead, was a group of women who looked toward the positive—their glasses were more than half full. They chose to see this Plan B as a bonding experience, and they still took advantage of the time we had together.

Upon our arrival to Cincinnati, some women pampered themselves with facial masks, some went shopping, and all relished the time they had to chat with their sister Consultants. We all had a wonderful time one night and went to a hometown, family favorite of mine for dinner, Carlo and Johnny. We laughed and swapped stories as we dined on the restaurant’s specialties.

At the end of the trip, I couldn’t help but feel blessed to be surrounded by such positive forces as these women. Who better to be with in a time of near crisis and resulting change of plans than women who turn lemons into lemonade instead of complaining? Their strength is in rolling with the punches. This flexibility not only benefits the woman herself, but her business as well. It allows her to handle difficult customers with grace. It allows her to manage her emotions when something goes awry with a shipment. It allows her to fix whatever she needs to fix in order to move forward.

This ability to roll with the punches and be flexible is why every woman on the trip is a leader. I was honored to have spent such an invigorating time with them. Though we didn’t get to spend our entire trip in New York City, it’s certainly a trip I’ll never forget!

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Transformative Power of Beauty and Lingerie

A little over a week ago, I stood on the stage of the Aronoff Center’s P&G Hall to launch Pure Romance’s newest additions to its line. As I stood onstage, I looked out into a thrilled audience. Their excitement made it clear: the additions, particularly to our beauty and lingerie collections, were items the women had been waiting for.

At Pure Romance, we focus on all aspects of a woman. We help empower them financially by giving them a way to support themselves and their families. We also educate, ensuring that our Consultants are well versed in sexual health. Now, we’re focusing even more on making a woman feel strong and confident from the inside out by adding to our beauty and lingerie collections. We’re truly investing into our consumers and completing the woman as a whole. Beauty and lingerie are the final touches.

By adding Bedroom Eyes, our mascaras, and Scentuality, our perfume sticks, to our extensive line of lip glosses, lipstick, and bronzers, we are giving women permission to take time solely for themselves. When a woman gets ready for the day, it’s not about her children, and it’s not about whom she’s going to see today; it’s about her. To every woman reading, I encourage you to allow yourself some time every day—even if it’s just five minutes—to have alone time in the bathroom to prep yourself for whatever lies ahead of you.

During this special “you” time, notice how you transform from feeling tired to feeling rejuvenated. All it takes: a slick of gloss, a brush of bronzer, a swipe of mascara, and a dab of your favorite scent. What I want with Pure Romance’s beauty line is for it to simplify your beautifying process. I’ve elected the best of the best so that a woman isn’t wasting her precious time or money on products she has to spend forever applying or fixing.

No woman should ever feel guilty about taking just five minutes to herself. And you know what? No woman should ever feel guilty for admitting that makeup helps her feel more confident. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. When you work on yourself from every angle—financially, physically, spiritually, mentally—it wouldn’t make sense not to want to pretty up the outside as well! Everyone—from models to moms—can recognize the added oomph a little makeup adds to how one feels about herself.

Speaking of models, we had 11 of them walk in a surprise lingerie runway show at the end of the launch. The models walked across the stage, embracing the characters the lingerie imbued within them. There was Mickey’s Mistress, Officer Flashy, Major Trouble, and Miss Bunny Boom, to name a few. With these pieces of lingerie, I was adamant about finding the highest quality in materials, and I also wanted something that put fun back in the bedroom.

What’s also great about every single lingerie item is that they allow women to play a character, not just play “sexy.” For example, Major Trouble can salute her man or march around the bedroom at his command—or her command. Miss Bunny Boom can coyly deliver Manhattans to her partner, just as certain bunnies from the 1960’s did. Couples can really play specific roles and be inspired by the lingerie.

Fall’s product launch comes down to the transformative power of makeup and lingerie. Slip it on and transform into a more confident, more sensual version of yourself. So go into your bathroom or boudoir, turn on the music that makes you feel fierce, swipe on some mascara and dab on some Scentuality, and be ready to take on anything the world throws at you. You’ve done the groundwork by fine-tuning yourself from the inside out—it’s time to enjoy it now!

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Embracing the Journey

Our lives are journeys along which we are constantly learning. Sometimes the lessons we learn along the way are for ourselves—something to work on, learn from and grow. And sometimes, the lessons we learn along the way are for the betterment of others. We learn something to make us happier or better from the inside out, so our day-to-day lives are filled with gratefulness. We can also learn something that helps us serve those around us better. Whatever these lessons may be it is imperative that we listen to them.

Over the past few days, I have had the opportunity to watch thousands of women come face-to-face with their current lessons to be learned. Pure Romance’s National Training takes Consultants to a place of self-reflection. It makes women think, “What can I do better this year? What did I do last year that I can improve upon?” Training allows women to hone in on one thing at a time, whether it is to grow their business or sell more product.

Two intense days of classes help women reflect on themselves as businesswomen. These days let them think about how they can affect change in their sister Consultants as well as the lives of the people whose homes they enter. The fact that our business gets into the hearts of our customers is a truly unique aspect of Pure Romance that sets us apart from other businesses. The most beautiful part of all this is that everyone walks away with something different she needs to work on, or it gives her something else to ponder. Whatever this something is, it plays an important role in the story line of where she is along her journey.

By attending National Training, Consultants have only scratched the surface. Consultants, now is your time to delve deeper into the lesson that you need to learn. Think about, “Why this time? Why this certain aspect to perfect? How can I improve this?” Take time to explore the whys and hows of this moment and lesson.

On this wonderful, tumultuous, unpredictable journey known as life, we are faced with so many obstacles that it’s easy to try to ignore them so we can continue on with our busy lives. It’s important, though, that you stop and pay mind to the challenge right in front of you—it’s there for a reason. There is a time for everything in our lives, and now is your time to strengthen yourself in whatever area your instinct is telling you. If you were at National Training, whatever left you thinking the most is what you are to work on and cultivate.

Each of us is to experience our own challenges, battles, and triumphs in our own time. It’s now up to you to fully embrace this moment and your lesson—whatever it may be.

Beyond Friends with Benefits

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Last week I discussed how friends with benefits relationships can’t exist. This week I’d like to delve into how women get themselves into this situation in the first place and why women are seeking emotionless, sex-only relationships. (Let’s not even talk how it’s basically impossible to have emotionless sex. Hello, oxytocin!) I truly believe it comes down to three aspects that all collide, making women less motivated to seek the meaningful relationships they deserve.

1. Women hate dating. With most women starting their dating lives at age 16, we’ve all endured ups, downs, and everything in between. Some of us have had great loves and great disappointments, and putting oneself out there can be daunting. It becomes less, “I’m open for love and ready to try this again,” and more, “Do I really have to?” Dating is downright exhausting. Even when you do go out there again, you never know what kind of person is going to be sitting across the table from you. It’s no wonder there are countless blogs, columns, television shows, and movies that are often centered on the same thing we’ve all had to do: try someone on for size and date.

2. Women are tired of worrying. Is it just me, or does it seem that the worrying gene runs in women only? We worry about everything! From the wrinkles we’re fighting, to the carbs in our dinners, to what our children are doing every second of every day. When you’re single and on the market, worrying about your love life may be the very last thing you want to do. It seems as though seeking a true partner becomes a never-ending quest that you might as well not start.

Once the dating actually begins and you’re feeling out a new person, every day seems to become a minefield of ticking time bombs of worry. When will he call? What does it mean? Why did he cancel the date? When you actually do spend time with a man, it’s easy to worry about what to do with his faults and things that annoy you to no end.

3. Women choose passion over partnership. I see this happen all the time. Women fall for the rush of not knowing what’s next. They misconstrue this as excitement instead of the reality that he’s a commitment-phobic flake. Ladies think the element of surprise is shinier than stability, and they see stability as boring. Ultimately, women are choosing ambiguity over solidity. But at the end of the day, what’s going to make you happy? How about at the end of next year? Will Mr. Surprise even be there?

Instead of getting bogged down by the negatives, I suggest you get real with yourself. What do you want? What do you deserve? With your answers held tightly in your mind and closely in your heart, put yourself out there again. Here’s how to combat the above three relationship woes:

1. View each date as a fresh experience. Have you ever had two days that are exactly the same in every single way? Probably not. You don’t go into a Wednesday thinking, “Ugh, this is going to be just the same as Tuesday, so why even try?” Instead, you attack every new day with vigor and make the most of it. Use this same point of view and apply it to your dating life.

2. Stop worrying. Easier said than done, I know. However, worrying is the single-most wasted emotion, not to mention a complete waste of time. You can’t control someone else or his actions, but what you can control is how you react to it. You can control whether you want to waste your time worrying about it. Also, you know what you want, and if his habits aren’t it, move on. Just say no to worrying.

3. Choose what’s right for you. Only you know what you deserve. It’s obvious when something isn’t sitting well; don’t ignore that intuition. Seek someone who leaves you fulfilled emotionally, physically, and mentally. A partner needs to match you on all levels, not just in the bedroom.

This is your life. You get one try at it. Don’t waste your time spending it with people who don’t make you happy. And certainly don’t try to get away with a friends-with-benefits only relationship. You deserve everything your heart desires—just be sure to listen.