Between The Sheets

We just recently held our National Training at Duke Energy Center where over 1,500 Consultants flew in from all over the United States to hear from world renowned speakers and partake in classes that would perfect their businesses.

The first night of the Training, I had the pleasure of meeting a gentleman who had played in the NFL for the last ten years and had just recently retired from playing football. Embarking on various new business ventures, he was invited by one of our speakers to witness first-hand the personal connection we hold with our Consultants.

Now many people would wonder what on earth do a NFL retiree and the CEO of a company specializing in romance products talk about? Well, there is always a common ground in business and life and we quickly found ourselves chatting after the first night’s events about the history of Pure Romance and our families.

Happily married for fourteen years to his college sweetheart, he was a man that seemed to be very wise in the ways of keeping his wife happy and putting the work in to maintain his relationship. Suddenly a metaphor emerged. I guess football and love have more in common than we know!

Women so often get comfortable in relationships and suddenly stop fussing with their appearance. They don’t take the time to pamper themselves. They don’t do that little extra to catch the eye of their lover. But why not? When we’re single many of us wouldn’t step foot outside of the house looking like we just rolled out of bed – after all, we could meet someone and want to look our very best! Why should this change just because someone has already declared they love you? You should still want to surprise them with sexy outfits or a new haircut now and then. This isn’t shallow. This is putting effort into being the best you can be for your partner no matter if you’ve been together for two days or 20 years.

This NFL player had his own analogy – as talented as he was, that didn’t mean he was ready to play every time he stepped on the field for a game. In fact, there were some days where he wasn’t in the mood to play at all, but he was committed and he did what it took to get the job done. He was ‘on top of his game’.

There is always a woman around the corner who will spend the time on herself to look and feel as beautiful as she is and your partner should know that he has no need to worry about that, because he has a woman like this waiting for him the second he walks through the door to go home. So remember that the next time you think you don’t need to make any ongoing effort to be the ‘best version of you’ just because he loves you.

People sometimes mislabel women as “picky”…picky about shoes, picky about purses and picky about men. I say, darn right we are! So, there is no surprise that we are picky about what we bring into the bedroom. I love giving my customers (picky or not) options and this is one reason why Pure Romance is such a good fit for women.

Where else can you “test drive” every product before you buy? Your Pure Romance Consultant will let you touch, taste and try everything (in an appropriate manner, of course!) you want before you buy. Sometimes with so many flavors, it’s hard to pick. That is why I love our variety packs!

Our Sensations Martini Collection will give Martini Mondays a new meaning! It’s the perfect choice to get your favorite playful lubricant in a variety of flavors. The Chocolate Martini, Green Apple Martini and Lemon Drop Martini flavor will heat up any date night without leaving the house! Put a dime-sized amount on the skin. Add a little friction, and the lubricant warms. Give a gentle blow, and the air-activated formula delivers exciting heat in a cool martini flavor!

The Whipped Variety Pack is like dessert on the go! The scrumptious set of Raspberry Truffle, Sugar Cookie and White Chocolate Fluff will appease the pickiest dessert fans! This creamy lubricant pairs well with Pure Romance’s C-Rings and Male Stimulators and is rich enough to be used as an erotic massage cream. So, you can have your cake and eat it, too!

Great Head Variety Pack, one of Pure Romance’s hottest sellers, was created to make oral favors more enjoyable for both partners. We’ve gone a step above to increase your pleasure with additional flavors. Available in Blueberry, Butterscotch and Passion Fruit, these Great Head flavors will help relax the gag reflex and provide delicious flavors so you enjoy this favor as much as he does.

The Coochy Variety Pack is just fantastic! It gives you one of our top sellers in four amazing fragrances – Pear Betty, Fragrance Free, Green Tea, and Original. This variety of rash-free shaving cream is designed for both men and women. It’s the perfect pack to share with your partner or your best gal pal. You can pick the fragrances you like the most, and share the rest with them. Doubling as a shave cream as well as a gentle hair conditioner you will have the softest skin no matter what scent you choose.

The Aura Mini Set might just be the best thing ever created. These massage oils have been formulated with a blend of essential oils and herbal extracts that provide a skin-softening, non-greasy feel. Use your favorite scent with your favorite technique for a massage you will never forget. Heat the Eucalyptus Lavender for a warm, soothing massage. Pair the Ginger Jasmine with the Hot Heart Massager to ease sore, tense and aching muscles. And try our Seductive Sage with the Super Delux Mitten for an erotic massage that they will be asking for on a daily basis. It’s the perfect travel size to bring on vacation with that special someone.

The Mini Nights of Passion is for those who want it all! This combo pack of Pure Romance’s top selling products is perfect for first time users, to give as a gift, or enjoy yourself. Including a 1 oz. travel size of: Body Dew (our moisturizing body and bath oil), Coochy (our rash-free shave cream), Just Like Me (our pH balanced, water-based lubricant), Lickity Stiff (our 3-in-1 product: massage cream, lubricant, and sensitizer for him), and Sensations (our warming lubricant); this will please pretty much everyone!

So, no matter how picky you are, we have something that will make your choice to bring a new product into the bedroom easier than ever picking out a new pair of shoes.

On Friday, August 7, I caught the 20/20 “medical mysteries” special on vulvodynia. According to the National Vulvodynia Association (NVA), vulvodynia is defined as chronic vulvar pain without an identifiable cause (the vulvar is the external female genitals). In the special, there were three women who were diagnosed with vulvodynia, although it took quite some time before their doctors reached that diagnosis—one woman saw 16 doctors before anyone could tell her what was happening to her! Some of the doctors told the women that what was happening to them was all “in their head” and that they were imagining their pain! I was so frustrated hearing that; I could only imagine what those women were going through. 20/20 said that an estimated 20 million woman will experience vulvar and/or vaginal pain at some time in their life.

I was so grateful that ABC and 20/20 did a segment on vulvodynia, especially since I get emails and phone calls every day from women experience vulvar pain and do not know what causes it. There is still much that is not known about this matter (or many aspects of sexuality for that matter), and doing specials like this can only raise awareness towards these little-known issues. That being said, I found myself shaking my head at how oversimplified the segment made vulvodynia. The 20/20 special said that there were three main causes of vulvodynia; according to the NVA, researchers and doctors are not entirely sure what causes it, although they do have some theories. The lack of an identifiable cause can make it difficult to treat, yet the special made it seem that treatment was extremely simple and that one treatment method was all it took to “cure” the women of their vulvar pain (in reality, some women see many specialists as part of their treatment plan).

While the show was definitely a step in the right direction in that it brought awareness towards a sexuality and sexual health issue that many women experience, I thought it was missing some key elements that would have made the segment more accurate. If you would like more information about vulvodynia, please visit www.nva.org, the Web site for the National Vulvodynia Association. Also, feel free to email me at askpatty@pureromance.com for more information.

National Training is one of my favorite times at Pure Romance. Consultants from across the country come together for four days in Cincinnati to continue their Pure Romance education. Every Consultant, regardless of her experience level, can perfect her business-building skills. This annual event provides the perfect opportunity to help Consultants reach new heights with their Pure Romance business.

There is a lot of hard work that goes in to preparing for this event, but it’s all worth it. I would have to say that one of the best parts of National Training (and I’m sure most of our Pure Romance Consultants would agree with me) is the new product launch!

I’m so excited to introduce these new and amazing products to our Consultants and customers. We spent a lot of time asking questions and listening to our customers to find out what they really want. We diligently searched for the latest and greatest products along with the newest technologies so we can bring you the hottest new items on the market.

Now, I can’t divulge any information on these new products just yet. You’ll have to wait just a couple more days. These new items will complement our existing line and excite new and old customers alike! From new c-rings and dual-action vibrators to male stimulators and a new and exciting addition our beauty line, everyone will find something new to love.

Host a party or check out the new products at PureRomance.com starting on August 15th! Once you see the new products, I know you will be just as excited about them as I am!
Want my advice? Call your local Consultant today a book a party so you can also be one of the first to see what’s in store!

Whether it was the controversial 1960s bestseller The Feminine Mystique, Helen Gurley Brown’s near 30-year advocacy of women’s sexual freedom as editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, or even Madonna’s iconic cone-shaped bra in the 90s – more than ever before, women are leveling the playing field and are not only breadwinners, but enlightened and active participants in the bedroom!

As the CEO and Founder of Pure Romance, I applaud this movement and not only strive to inspire and empower women to be self sufficient, successful professionals, but also teach them that they are capable of being leaders in all aspects of life. Pure Romance educates women all over the country about sexual health to help them understand that leading a healthy sexual life is an important avenue to happiness within any relationship. Nurturing this aspect can create a domino effect of self-reliance and contentment that will spill into other areas of life such as career, health and even relationships with peers.

Keep in mind, you don’t have to be the most confident woman you know in order to achieve sexual empowerment; if you are known to be a bit on the shyer side, there is no reason why you, too, cannot take steps to learn how to feel more self-assured in the bedroom. Take the time to learn new things about your partner. Start slowly and don’t feel like you have to go all out on the very first try. Realize that with effort, communication and a little TLC you will get to where you want to be in just a matter of time!

I would recommend beginning by doing a little research with Sadie Allison’s Tickle Your Fancy, an instructive guide on self-pleasure and sexual awareness. This is a wonderful tool to teach you more about what brings you pleasure which will in turn allow you to communicate this to your partner. With a little knowledge and practice, confidence will come naturally in bed. Not to mention, showing that you are taking control and willing to call the shots will more than likely be a major turn on for your partner. In addition, you can always leave this book lying out where your partner will be sure to find it; it won’t be long before they will know how to push all of your playful and pleasurable buttons as well!

Once you’ve gained some self-assurance behind closed doors and you are ready to advance to the next level, there are many different options to help you spice things up on www.pureromance.com. This includes everything from lingerie, lubricants, massage aids and toys! Not to mention, helpful tips and advice through our “Ask Patty” column and much more.

And remember; when it comes to intimacy always treat each other with thoughtfulness and respect. Enjoy the time you spend together. Support one another. Communicate clearly and openly. Encourage time with friends. And finally, feel secure and comfortable in your relationship. Many couples claim to practice these actions all of the time, but these small but crucial gestures often go overlooked. Taking the time to be more attentive outside the bedroom is just another way to empower one another intimately over the long run!

We are hitting that time of year where the temperature starts rising a little bit higher each day. As we all try and relive the days of carefree summers, sometimes the heat isn’t as welcome as it was when we were younger, spending all day at the pool. Below are some tips for staying cool yet, still feeling hot with your favorite Pure Romance products.

Body Dew - During those warm summer mornings and hot summer nights, keep your favorite scent of Body Dew on hand and apply after the shower, or anytime for a skin quenching sensation! Body Dew will moisturize your skin and keep it glistening all summer! It will improve the health of your skin while reducing the amount of peeling from excessive exposure to the sun.

Kiss – This is a fantastic product to keep in the refrigerator during the summer. One splash of cool Kiss will revitalize you. The pheromones and the long lasting scent infused with a blend of green and white tea extracts will keep you feeling fresh and sexy throughout those hot summer nights.

Body Bling - This light and fun product will not only help you glisten in the summer sun, but it’s a great way to highlight your lips. Put a little bit of Body Bling on your lips and cover with chap stick for a kissable glow that helps nourish your lips. You can also use Body Bling to highlight your summer tan; by applying to those special spots (shoulders, cheekbones, and cleavage), your tan and your confidence will glow throughout the night!

Pure Pleasure – This is the perfect product for some fun water play when you just have to cool off! Pure Pleasure is a silicone-based lubricant that does not absorb into the skin. It’s gentle and long lasting and recommended for a steamy night in the pool with your partner!

Keep those sensual feelings going all summer long to create the sort of sex appeal that promises lots of sultry nights!

When I started as a Consultant in 1983, I picked up every book I could find on relationships, intimacy, sexual health – you name it. One Ph.D. and author whose work I’ve always found especially interesting is that of Dr. John Gottman. He has discovered that his methodology predicts with 90% accuracy which newlywed couples will remain married and which will divorce four to six years later. Part of Gottman’s theory states that there are four major emotional reactions that are destructive to a marriage: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism and contempt.

Below are some other behaviors that I feel can contribute to the death of your relationship.

Neediness – Sometimes a woman will think that just because a guy wants to have a couple beers with his friends or shoot hoops with his buddies then that means that he would prefer to spend time with them over her. This is usually far from the truth. Everyone has to find their way of refueling and women are no exception; after all, how many of us feel genuinely recharged after chatting with friend online or grabbing a cocktail with the girls? Not allowing your partner his space can stifle a relationship. You just can’t expect someone to think about you every second, every minute of the day.

Also, by spacing out the time that you spend together, you make it that much more exciting when you do reunite. Smothering your partner can not only make your relationship boring, it can also burn it out altogether.

Controlling behavior – Another relationship killer is when we’re too controlling. Everyone probably knows someone who has given their partner an ultimatum to force them into marriage or to have children; there are many men who are afraid to let go of the relationship and will move forward out of fear rather than commitment. Unfortunately, although a lot of marriages start this way, that doesn’t mean it’s going to end up a healthy or faithful marriage. Same goes for those who attempt to control every aspect of the relationship such as what their partner is “permitted to do” with free time.

Jealousy – I truly believe jealousy is one of the most corrosive of negative tendencies of all. People can easily get consumed over the time their partner spends with others (male or female) and every conversation is viewed as a prospective betrayal. This is extremely destructive to a relationship because at the end of the day, if you’re not secure in yourself and your relationship than it’s not worth having. Work on yourself before you can find true happiness.

Reading into Everything – Anyone who has seen the film, He’s Just Not That Into You, knows that women can sometimes have a tendency to overanalyze everything. We don’t let things happen naturally and often try to figure out what the other person is saying or feeling. We are guilty of that ‘drive-through’ mentality meaning we want answers right away instead of communicating and getting to know our partner over time. Many women also mull over every detail of their relationship with their girlfriends to get to some sort of resolution when what they should really be doing is relying on their intuition. God gave us a gut and sometimes we just don’t use it! If you are communicating with your partner, try not to dwell with questions like ‘when you said this, did you mean that?’ Be ready to accept his explanation if you feel he is being sincere.

If you sense you are slipping into any of these negative patterns or if you are the one being subjected to any of these behaviors you may want to pull back the reins and re-evaluate your relationship.

Couples often confide in me that one of their biggest challenges is attempting to understand the differences between men and women. However, I think sometimes it is also important to understand all of our similarities, too!

Despite the anatomical differences between male and female genitals, orgasms in men and women are physiologically and psychologically very similar. In fact, some studies have been done in which “experts” could not reliably determine gender when reading descriptions of orgasms with all the anatomical references removed.

Women have described the sensations of orgasm as beginning with a sense of suspension, quickly followed by an intensely pleasurable feeling that usually begins at the clitoris and spreads throughout the pelvis. The genitals are often described as becoming warm, electric or tingly, and these physical sensations usually spread through some portion of the body. Most women also feel muscle contractions in their vagina or lower pelvis.

The subjective feeling of orgasm in men has been described quite consistently as beginning with the sensation of deep warmth or pressure that leads to the point when ejaculation cannot be stopped. It is then felt as sharp, intensely pleasurable contractions involving the PC muscles, anal sphincter, rectum, perineum and genitals. Finally, a warm rush of fluid or a shooting sensation describes the actual process of semen traveling through the urethra during ejaculation.

A major difference between the female and the male orgasmic phase is that far more women than men have the physical capability to have one or more additional orgasms within a short time without dropping below the plateau of sexual arousal. Being multi-orgasmic for women depends on both continued stimulation and their level of sexual interest. But, because both of these factors are not always present every time a woman experiences and orgasm, multiple orgasms do not always occur with every sexual encounter.
On the other hand, upon ejaculation, men enter a recovery phase called the refractory period. During this time, further orgasm or ejaculation is physiologically impossible for men. However, some men can learn to have an orgasm without ejaculating, thereby making it possible to experience multiple orgasms in their own right.

Orgasms can’t be forced, and the more pressure you put on yourself (whether you are male or female) or your partner to experience an orgasm, the less likely it is to happen. Take things slowly, learn new techniques, experiment with them and find what works for you! If you start getting frustrated when you aren’t seeing results, it will show, and unfortunately make it even harder. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable – as soon as you make it too serious, it takes away from the pleasure!

This past weekend I came out of “Consultant Retirement” to host the World’s Largest Pure Romance Party in Goshen, Ohio. Over 250 women came out to attend; some even traveled from other states to be there.

My favorite part of the event was bringing up volunteers from the audience to taste and touch some of the products. Highlights included one charming 70-year old woman who had never attended a Pure Romance party but had the energy and enthusiasm of a seasoned guest. Her admission to the audience that she would most certainly be taking her goodies home to her husband proved that like a good bottle of wine, intimacy does get better with age.

The party raised over $6,000 for the Patty Brisben Foundation, the 501c3 non-profit organization which I started to enhance women’s sexual health. Thanks to all who made this event possible and came out to support such a wonderful cause!

When I was writing my book, Pure Romance Between the Sheets, it was really important for me to help women feel comfortable about what is normal for their sexuality. Too many women measure themselves on their ability to orgasm. Did I have one? Did our partner have one? Was it good? Did we have simultaneous orgasms? When we measure our sexuality by orgasm, however, we discount activities that do not necessarily lead to orgasm, such as touching, caressing, and kissing. The mighty “O” has long been mythologized, feared, and considered elusive by many and it was my goal to change that!

Being orgasm-focused can discount other pleasures a woman and her partner might experience together. I have found that so many people today tend to identify “sex” with “intercourse”, but we know that isn’t truly the case!

I so often see couples pressuring themselves and one another to be “successful” lovers through orgasm. Men talk frequently of performance anxiety and society tends to evaluate a woman’s sexual self-worth in terms of her being orgasmic. Although during sexual intercourse women are not as consistently orgasmic as men, there is considerable pressure on them to be so. In one study, college students were asked whether they had faked orgasm; 60% of heterosexual women and 71% of lesbian or bisexual women said yes, while only 17% of heterosexual men and 27% of gay or bisexual men acknowledged doing so (Elliot & Brantley, 1997). The reason most women fake orgasm is not to protect their own feelings as much as to protect those of their partner. They want to please their partner and avoid hurting or disappointing them.

If having an orgasm is a challenge in your bedroom, remember that I believe that when there’s a will, there’s a way! But it’s important to keep in mind that having an orgasm isn’t an achievement – it’s a process. Another important aspect is that orgasms come in all shapes and sizes. There is no one way to have an orgasm, and there is no one place from where an orgasm emanates. How you achieve your orgasm is entirely personal and unique to what feels good to you.

The most important step to overcoming the pressures and fears associated with orgasm are to first become comfortable with your own body and your own sexuality. My goal throughout the first half of my book was to help women understand their sexual journey and to be comfortable with what they need to experience true pleasure. I believe that openly communicating with yourself and with your partner about what arouses you will help you find real sexual pleasure every time!