Between The Sheets

While reading Glamour magazine I came across an article where one young, brave woman named Darci said she was experiencing pain during sexual arousal. It crippled her dating life and even turned her away from pleasuring herself due to the pain she experienced during sexual arousal. After years of feeling hopeless and mistakenly blaming herself, she finally found the answer. Bringing issues like this into the lime light is a difficult thing, but a major step in the mission to broaden awareness among women.

Today’s society is jam-packed with sexual messages in music, media, entertainment and even everyday conversation. Yet, the message we consistently see is that people “enjoy” and “desire” sex. In reality, when it comes to sexuality there are so many circumstances where women silently suffer because they feel it is “wrong” or “taboo” to admit or even talk about.

I’ve always believed that education combined with permission leads to sexual empowerment. When I started doing intimacy parties back in 1983, I began to realize how through this platform I was in a position to truly help women. I was educating them about their body and the intimate aspects of their love life, and with every lotion, lubricant and bedroom accessory I discussed they were opening up to each other about private secrets that they never would have felt comfortable talking about before. They were giving each other permission to discuss sexual health topics that their mother and society told them to remain quiet about in the past.

If these women didn’t discuss these topics, how would they ever find the permission to let go of the message that it is wrong to enjoy sex? And if they continued to believe this message, how would they ever seek the education necessary to enjoy their bodies to the fullest potential? Over the past decade it has become easier for women to discuss the enjoyment of sex, but what about the women who still aren’t enjoying it? Ladies, it’s my hope that you will help one another find the courage to speak up about sex and intimacy and not be afraid or embarrassed about something that is such a beautiful and natural part of life!

I was having dinner with a friend the other day and she confided in me that her and her husband had been sleeping in separate beds for years. She asked me, “Do you think that’s weird?” She said that he snored loudly and tossed and turned while she was a light sleeper who needed her rest in order to function properly the following day.

As I’m sure you can imagine, after 20 years of working in this business, I get a lot of questions that begin with a question about what’s normal. The answer to that is that I believe that every couple is different and it is ultimately about what works for them.

Your mind is probably racing with images of the marital twin beds characteristic of the 50’s. However, surprisingly to some, there has been a growing trend of married couples who choose to sleep in separate quarters. Snoring, teeth-grinding, differing schedules, nighttime television habits, etc. are often contributing factors. In this case, there doesn’t necessarily mean there’s automatically a problem in the relationship. In fact, depending on the circumstances, it can also be a good thing. It shows that the couple is communicating and working together to come up with a solution that fixes a problem rather than making it worse.

Intimacy doesn’t just occur in the bedroom. If you are one of these couples sometimes (or always) sleeps apart in order to achieve more restful sleep, you should set aside special times to be intimate with one another, for example, cooking together, setting aside times to give each other massages, reading to one another, or dance lessons/classes, etc.

I do believe that it is possible to have a strong intimate and sexual connection in either circumstance. The key lies in that both couples agree with the arrangement and practice healthy communication on a regular basis. Intimacy doesn’t necessarily just take place in the bedroom. Intimacy is the bond, tenderness and closeness a couple has for one another inside and outside of the parameters of their four bedroom walls.

One only need to turn on the news to know it’s a tough time for a lot of hard-working people across the country; what many don’t know is that this can really take a toll on your personal life as well as your sex life…especially your libido. Your libido is your sexual desire or sex drive; everyone has one, and everyone’s is different. Your libido can change numerous times over your lifetime and can be affected by changes throughout your lifetime. It’s not uncommon during challenging times to notice a decrease in your libido or your partner’s libido.

Men are inherently the bread-winners, the “hunters” and the providers. When there is a threat to their primary role within a relationship or family, such as losing their job, it can be very stressful and lead to a decreased libido. The most basic symptom of a low libido is having no desire for sexual activity. If you think you have a low sex drive and this is not normal for you, it is important to consult your health care provider to determine the cause for the decrease in sexual desire and to rule out a serious health issue.

Women are also affected by low libido. Changes in hormone levels from pregnancy and childbirth and keeping up with a busy family life can affect a woman’s libido. As the role of “nurturer”, a woman’s role in a family and relationship can cause fatigue and a lack of time for intimacy which can directly affect her libido.

There are many different reasons why a person’s libido can be impacted. Below are some other contributors that can impact a man or woman’s libido.

PHYSICAL
• Menopause – A decline in estrogen levels can affect a woman’s libido
• Dyspareunia – Painful sexual intercourse
• Vaginismus – The involuntary contraction/spasm of the vaginal muscles, which makes penetration difficult, if not impossible
• Pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding—Changes in hormone levels can increase or decrease sexual desire
• Infections – Yeast infections, urinary tract infections, or a sexually transmitted infection could affect a person’s libido
• Problems with orgasm – Being unable to reach orgasm or to reach it within a reasonable period of time
• Illness – Certain illnesses and their medications can alter a person’s libido

PSYCHOLOGICAL
• Depression – Lack of motivation, feeling sad, and withdrawing from activities, including sex
• Performance anxiety – A fear of painful sex, or pressure to have sex or reach orgasm can decrease libido
• Fatigue – Being too tired to have sex
• Lack of time – Busy schedules could leave insufficient time for intimacy
• Familiarity – It is not uncommon for a couple’s desire for sex to decrease over time
• Relationship problems – Difficulties in a relationship can make a couple’s sexual desire suffer
• Stress – Stress hormones can dampen sexual desire and response
• Certain drugs – Antidepressants, oral contraceptive pills, and certain other prescription drugs, as well as illegal drugs and excessive alcohol use, can lower a person’s libido
• Exercise – Too much or too little can affect the libido
• Traumatic experience – Sexual harassment, sexual abuse, or rape can have an impact on your libido

For men, if you find that you have a decreased libido, you may want to try an arousal cream. X-Scream was created to help stimulate blood flow and increase arousal for both men and women. Our only unisex arousal cream, X-Scream is formulated with a mint compound powerful enough for men. To use, take a pea-sized amount and visually divide it into thirds. Apply one small section to the head of the penis, one directly under the penis and the third to the testicles (only if your partner enjoys having this area stimulated) for increased arousal.

For women, we also recommend our arousal creams, Ex-T-Cee and Nympho Niagra and X-Scream. Ex-T-Cee is recommended for first time users of an arousal cream. If you are sensitive or prone to yeast infections, Nympho Niagra is odorless, colorless, flavorless and safe for even the most sensitive women. X-Scream is not recommended for first-time female users, unless the woman is taking medications with sexual side effects (such as anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication) or is experiencing a loss of sensation due to stress, surgery or other factors. Apply a pea-sized amount to the clitoris during foreplay. This product works by opening the blood vessels in the genitals, increasing blood flow to this area and heightening feelings in the nerve endings. It is also important to use a water-based vaginal lubricant each time you engage in sexual activity. Try Just Like Me or Sweet Seduction, which are both gentle and non-irritating.

You can also talk to your Pure Romance Consultant or visit our Web site for more information about your libido and which products may be right for you.

August is Romance Awareness Month and with less than a week left in August, now’s your last chance to get romantic. Then again, Pure Romance is a big advocate for EVERY month being Romantic Awareness Month so use this week as a jumping off point for a commitment to making your relationship romantic throughout the years to come! Below are our top ten tips for revving up the romance:

1. Hold hands. Touching, cuddling, being affectionate – these are all givens when couples first get together. They foster intimacy and romance and are just as important in the beginning as years down the road when things have gotten comfortable.
2. Random acts of thoughtfulness. Did your partner notice a piece of artwork, clothing or some other coveted item while you’re out and about? Pretend you’ve barely noticed and surprise them by giving it to them at a later date. Create romantic impact by doing it for absolutely no occasion whatsoever!
3. Slow dance in your living room. Forget dancing at the local club or random Wedding Reception. Turn on your favorite CD (one that’s sentimental for the two of you is even better!) and get your groove on right at home. The best part about this is that the bedroom is only a few steps away – or who needs the bedroom? When it comes to lovemaking, any room will do!
4. Kiss. This may seem like common sense, but you’d be amazed how many couples (especially after many years together) neglect to kiss and skip right past foreplay altogether when it comes to being intimate. Kissing is such a passionate way to connect to your partner and is one of the most loving and romantic acts you can do.
5. Keep a memento. If you have to take a business trip or weekend away, leave a memento behind such as a tee-shirt with a hint of your cologne/perfume.
6. Picture text. One of my friends was on vacation and her boyfriend sent picture messages of flowers he saw while hiking with a friend. In some ways this is even more romantic than having flowers delivered to one’s house. The thoughtfulness that accompanies creative and romantic text messages can kindle a fire that will burn long after it was sent.
7. Leave love notes in unexpected places. Just because we live in the electronic age doesn’t mean the idea of love letters should go completely out the window. The fact that someone actually sat down to write a note or letter is often even more impactful left in his brief case or a card behind the windshield wiper of her car – this is a surefire way to keep the romantic fires burning strong.
8. Pamper the one you love. If you know your partner’s had a stressful day, pull out all the stops. Run the water for the tub, light candles, cook dinner and offer a post bubble bath massage.
9. Honor the “Date Night”! Pick one night a week that is strictly yours. No kids, no TV, no distractions and stick to it. Get a baby-sitter and don’t make any excuses. Every couple needs time to focus on one another!
10. Be spontaneous. Romance isn’t fun when it’s predictable. So whatever you decide to do, strategically planning to do it when it’s most unexpected is the best way to go!

We just wrapped up our 2009 National Training, and what a fantastic week! It was filled with great classes, amazing speakers, new products and the launch of Bliss!

So, you are probably asking yourself, “What is Bliss?” A hot new toy? A new fabulous lubricant? It’s actually something entirely new to Pure Romance.

It’s the new exclusive line of designer Pure Romance apparel for the modern-day woman who is always looking for that little extra in life. The Bliss Couture line was designed exclusively for Pure Romance and delivers high quality fashion, design and comfort.

I worked very closely with KaVatee, the creators of this line, in order to bring our Consultants and customers a line of clothing that works for their everyday life! Pulling from their formal training at the Parson’s School of Fashion in NY, the now Cincinnati-based designers created this new line of fun, hip and stylish clothing can be worn by women of all ages!

The line includes tank tops, short sleeve tees, long sleeve tees, a robe, hipster panties, hoodies and track pants and two totes that every woman will want! Dress it up, dress it down, wear it out or enjoy the comfort at home. The jersey spandex and cotton fleece materials are comfortable and stylish!

Each new item comes with a combination of options. We used three hot colors and a variation of designs for each category of clothing. Using pink, teal and grey, were able to combine these bold colors with beautiful designs and logos for a fashion-forward look that will transform your wardrobe! We, of course, have the signature Pure Romance heart logo on many of the clothes, along with a new scroll heart, heart wings, and rose design.

We will have all items in stock this fall. Contact your local Consultant today to get a look at the full line and place your order!

We just recently held our National Training at Duke Energy Center where over 1,500 Consultants flew in from all over the United States to hear from world renowned speakers and partake in classes that would perfect their businesses.

The first night of the Training, I had the pleasure of meeting a gentleman who had played in the NFL for the last ten years and had just recently retired from playing football. Embarking on various new business ventures, he was invited by one of our speakers to witness first-hand the personal connection we hold with our Consultants.

Now many people would wonder what on earth do a NFL retiree and the CEO of a company specializing in romance products talk about? Well, there is always a common ground in business and life and we quickly found ourselves chatting after the first night’s events about the history of Pure Romance and our families.

Happily married for fourteen years to his college sweetheart, he was a man that seemed to be very wise in the ways of keeping his wife happy and putting the work in to maintain his relationship. Suddenly a metaphor emerged. I guess football and love have more in common than we know!

Women so often get comfortable in relationships and suddenly stop fussing with their appearance. They don’t take the time to pamper themselves. They don’t do that little extra to catch the eye of their lover. But why not? When we’re single many of us wouldn’t step foot outside of the house looking like we just rolled out of bed – after all, we could meet someone and want to look our very best! Why should this change just because someone has already declared they love you? You should still want to surprise them with sexy outfits or a new haircut now and then. This isn’t shallow. This is putting effort into being the best you can be for your partner no matter if you’ve been together for two days or 20 years.

This NFL player had his own analogy – as talented as he was, that didn’t mean he was ready to play every time he stepped on the field for a game. In fact, there were some days where he wasn’t in the mood to play at all, but he was committed and he did what it took to get the job done. He was ‘on top of his game’.

There is always a woman around the corner who will spend the time on herself to look and feel as beautiful as she is and your partner should know that he has no need to worry about that, because he has a woman like this waiting for him the second he walks through the door to go home. So remember that the next time you think you don’t need to make any ongoing effort to be the ‘best version of you’ just because he loves you.

People sometimes mislabel women as “picky”…picky about shoes, picky about purses and picky about men. I say, darn right we are! So, there is no surprise that we are picky about what we bring into the bedroom. I love giving my customers (picky or not) options and this is one reason why Pure Romance is such a good fit for women.

Where else can you “test drive” every product before you buy? Your Pure Romance Consultant will let you touch, taste and try everything (in an appropriate manner, of course!) you want before you buy. Sometimes with so many flavors, it’s hard to pick. That is why I love our variety packs!

Our Sensations Martini Collection will give Martini Mondays a new meaning! It’s the perfect choice to get your favorite playful lubricant in a variety of flavors. The Chocolate Martini, Green Apple Martini and Lemon Drop Martini flavor will heat up any date night without leaving the house! Put a dime-sized amount on the skin. Add a little friction, and the lubricant warms. Give a gentle blow, and the air-activated formula delivers exciting heat in a cool martini flavor!

The Whipped Variety Pack is like dessert on the go! The scrumptious set of Raspberry Truffle, Sugar Cookie and White Chocolate Fluff will appease the pickiest dessert fans! This creamy lubricant pairs well with Pure Romance’s C-Rings and Male Stimulators and is rich enough to be used as an erotic massage cream. So, you can have your cake and eat it, too!

Great Head Variety Pack, one of Pure Romance’s hottest sellers, was created to make oral favors more enjoyable for both partners. We’ve gone a step above to increase your pleasure with additional flavors. Available in Blueberry, Butterscotch and Passion Fruit, these Great Head flavors will help relax the gag reflex and provide delicious flavors so you enjoy this favor as much as he does.

The Coochy Variety Pack is just fantastic! It gives you one of our top sellers in four amazing fragrances – Pear Betty, Fragrance Free, Green Tea, and Original. This variety of rash-free shaving cream is designed for both men and women. It’s the perfect pack to share with your partner or your best gal pal. You can pick the fragrances you like the most, and share the rest with them. Doubling as a shave cream as well as a gentle hair conditioner you will have the softest skin no matter what scent you choose.

The Aura Mini Set might just be the best thing ever created. These massage oils have been formulated with a blend of essential oils and herbal extracts that provide a skin-softening, non-greasy feel. Use your favorite scent with your favorite technique for a massage you will never forget. Heat the Eucalyptus Lavender for a warm, soothing massage. Pair the Ginger Jasmine with the Hot Heart Massager to ease sore, tense and aching muscles. And try our Seductive Sage with the Super Delux Mitten for an erotic massage that they will be asking for on a daily basis. It’s the perfect travel size to bring on vacation with that special someone.

The Mini Nights of Passion is for those who want it all! This combo pack of Pure Romance’s top selling products is perfect for first time users, to give as a gift, or enjoy yourself. Including a 1 oz. travel size of: Body Dew (our moisturizing body and bath oil), Coochy (our rash-free shave cream), Just Like Me (our pH balanced, water-based lubricant), Lickity Stiff (our 3-in-1 product: massage cream, lubricant, and sensitizer for him), and Sensations (our warming lubricant); this will please pretty much everyone!

So, no matter how picky you are, we have something that will make your choice to bring a new product into the bedroom easier than ever picking out a new pair of shoes.

On Friday, August 7, I caught the 20/20 “medical mysteries” special on vulvodynia. According to the National Vulvodynia Association (NVA), vulvodynia is defined as chronic vulvar pain without an identifiable cause (the vulvar is the external female genitals). In the special, there were three women who were diagnosed with vulvodynia, although it took quite some time before their doctors reached that diagnosis—one woman saw 16 doctors before anyone could tell her what was happening to her! Some of the doctors told the women that what was happening to them was all “in their head” and that they were imagining their pain! I was so frustrated hearing that; I could only imagine what those women were going through. 20/20 said that an estimated 20 million woman will experience vulvar and/or vaginal pain at some time in their life.

I was so grateful that ABC and 20/20 did a segment on vulvodynia, especially since I get emails and phone calls every day from women experience vulvar pain and do not know what causes it. There is still much that is not known about this matter (or many aspects of sexuality for that matter), and doing specials like this can only raise awareness towards these little-known issues. That being said, I found myself shaking my head at how oversimplified the segment made vulvodynia. The 20/20 special said that there were three main causes of vulvodynia; according to the NVA, researchers and doctors are not entirely sure what causes it, although they do have some theories. The lack of an identifiable cause can make it difficult to treat, yet the special made it seem that treatment was extremely simple and that one treatment method was all it took to “cure” the women of their vulvar pain (in reality, some women see many specialists as part of their treatment plan).

While the show was definitely a step in the right direction in that it brought awareness towards a sexuality and sexual health issue that many women experience, I thought it was missing some key elements that would have made the segment more accurate. If you would like more information about vulvodynia, please visit www.nva.org, the Web site for the National Vulvodynia Association. Also, feel free to email me at askpatty@pureromance.com for more information.

National Training is one of my favorite times at Pure Romance. Consultants from across the country come together for four days in Cincinnati to continue their Pure Romance education. Every Consultant, regardless of her experience level, can perfect her business-building skills. This annual event provides the perfect opportunity to help Consultants reach new heights with their Pure Romance business.

There is a lot of hard work that goes in to preparing for this event, but it’s all worth it. I would have to say that one of the best parts of National Training (and I’m sure most of our Pure Romance Consultants would agree with me) is the new product launch!

I’m so excited to introduce these new and amazing products to our Consultants and customers. We spent a lot of time asking questions and listening to our customers to find out what they really want. We diligently searched for the latest and greatest products along with the newest technologies so we can bring you the hottest new items on the market.

Now, I can’t divulge any information on these new products just yet. You’ll have to wait just a couple more days. These new items will complement our existing line and excite new and old customers alike! From new c-rings and dual-action vibrators to male stimulators and a new and exciting addition our beauty line, everyone will find something new to love.

Host a party or check out the new products at PureRomance.com starting on August 15th! Once you see the new products, I know you will be just as excited about them as I am!
Want my advice? Call your local Consultant today a book a party so you can also be one of the first to see what’s in store!

Whether it was the controversial 1960s bestseller The Feminine Mystique, Helen Gurley Brown’s near 30-year advocacy of women’s sexual freedom as editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, or even Madonna’s iconic cone-shaped bra in the 90s – more than ever before, women are leveling the playing field and are not only breadwinners, but enlightened and active participants in the bedroom!

As the CEO and Founder of Pure Romance, I applaud this movement and not only strive to inspire and empower women to be self sufficient, successful professionals, but also teach them that they are capable of being leaders in all aspects of life. Pure Romance educates women all over the country about sexual health to help them understand that leading a healthy sexual life is an important avenue to happiness within any relationship. Nurturing this aspect can create a domino effect of self-reliance and contentment that will spill into other areas of life such as career, health and even relationships with peers.

Keep in mind, you don’t have to be the most confident woman you know in order to achieve sexual empowerment; if you are known to be a bit on the shyer side, there is no reason why you, too, cannot take steps to learn how to feel more self-assured in the bedroom. Take the time to learn new things about your partner. Start slowly and don’t feel like you have to go all out on the very first try. Realize that with effort, communication and a little TLC you will get to where you want to be in just a matter of time!

I would recommend beginning by doing a little research with Sadie Allison’s Tickle Your Fancy, an instructive guide on self-pleasure and sexual awareness. This is a wonderful tool to teach you more about what brings you pleasure which will in turn allow you to communicate this to your partner. With a little knowledge and practice, confidence will come naturally in bed. Not to mention, showing that you are taking control and willing to call the shots will more than likely be a major turn on for your partner. In addition, you can always leave this book lying out where your partner will be sure to find it; it won’t be long before they will know how to push all of your playful and pleasurable buttons as well!

Once you’ve gained some self-assurance behind closed doors and you are ready to advance to the next level, there are many different options to help you spice things up on www.pureromance.com. This includes everything from lingerie, lubricants, massage aids and toys! Not to mention, helpful tips and advice through our “Ask Patty” column and much more.

And remember; when it comes to intimacy always treat each other with thoughtfulness and respect. Enjoy the time you spend together. Support one another. Communicate clearly and openly. Encourage time with friends. And finally, feel secure and comfortable in your relationship. Many couples claim to practice these actions all of the time, but these small but crucial gestures often go overlooked. Taking the time to be more attentive outside the bedroom is just another way to empower one another intimately over the long run!